I am the better man
by Laureenxox21Haymiss
Summary: Katniss Everdeen has been abused by her boyfriend Gale Hawthorne . Her only safe haven is with her boy with the bread, Peeta Mellark. But what happens when Katniss's baby sister Primrose is chosen to become a tribute in the Hunger Games. Is this a chance for Katniss to fall in love with a unexpected hero? Haymiss x Multiple Katniss pairings
1. Chapter 1 x

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 17 years old. I am being abused by my boyfriend Gale Hawthorne. We have been together for 2 years, 3 weeks, 6 days and counting... I just want the pain to end but i know it won't.

Everyday i always ask myself why i am still breathing. The answer is simple. Prim, my beautiful sister, who has inherited the best qualities our family has to offer: my mother's healing hands, my father's level head, and my fight. There's something else there as well, something entirely her own. An ability to look into the confusing mess of life and see things for what they are.

I protect Primrose from everything i can but i am powerless against the Reaping... It's Prim's first reaping this year, she is about as safe as you can get with only one slip in the big bowl of girl's names. My name is in there 20 times. I really hope that me and Prim are both spared but the odd's never seem to be in my favour. The reaping is basically taking the kids from our districts, forcing them to kill one another while we watch – this is the Capitol's way of reminding us how totally we are at their mercy. How little chance we would stand of surviving another rebellion. Whatever words they use, the real message is clear. "Look how we take your children and sacrifice them and there's nothing you can do. If you lift a finger, we will destroy every last one of you. Just as we did in District Thirteen."

I am currently laying down on my sofa relaxing when i hear the loud crash from the kitchen, like a door slamming and Gale's booming voice calling me. "KATNISS! KAATNISSS!" He's been drinking... this is going to be a long night.  
I slowly make my way to the kitchen where i find Gale stumbling towards me. I hesitate in the doorway before cautiously saying "Hey honey... you called for me?" I silently curse myself for sounding so weak and small.  
Gale's eyes throw daggers my way, "Why the FUCK did it take you so long to answer me!?" Gale angrily questions me. I choke back the building fear and anxiety as I calmly tell Gale I was sleeping but I can tell he doesn't believe me.  
"Katniss, Katniss, Katniss." Gale taunts me before hitting me in the face. "What did I tell you about lying to me?" I don't answer him as I cup my sour cheek with the palm of my hand.  
Gale has a sadistic smile on his face as he watches me crumpled on the ground.

"I'm sorry Gale." I whimper as Gale grabs my wrists and pulls me up before slamming me into a wall and pinning my arms above my head. "You better be Catnip. But i think a punishment will remind you what happens when you lie to me" Gale growls in my ear.  
Gale's hands claim my skin possessively. He is touching me in a rough, hungry way. "I want you so bad Katniss" Gale whispers seductively in my ear which makes me cringe away from him but his grip just tightens on me. Unexpectedly, Gale throws me over his shoulder and makes his way towards my bedroom and proceeds to climb on top of me. We had some really rough sex the other day, and I am not physically or emotionally ready for another round.

"Gale," I whimper, "I don't know if I feel up to sex tonight."

He then raises his arm and then backhands my face. I let out a yelp, as my body flies to the other side of the bed. He slithers his way to me, and then he begins to kiss my neck.

"Katniss," He says in-between kisses, "You don't get to make this decision. Just shut up and take it like a good little whore."

His words sting me. Suddenly, my eyesight becomes blurry, and I try my hardest to keep the tears from falling - crying will only make him more upset. After only thirty seconds I accidentally let out a sniffle. Thankfully, he mistakes the sound for a noise of pleasure.

"Yes, you are a good little whore." He repeats once again.

I cannot help it anymore. Tears begin to slowly stream down my face, and onto his body. He grunts with discontent when they make contact with his skin.

"Why are you crying?" He asks coldly, void of any sympathy.

"I-I'm sorry, Gale. I just don't want to have sex tonight." I shakily reply.

He lets out an irate noise, and then he bites down, hard, on my neck. My lips release a sharp cry of agony when his teeth rip into the sensitive skin on my neck.

"DAMMIT KATNISS!" he yells in pure frustration, "Honestly, how fucking hard is it for you to just lie on your goddamn back and take it?"

Before I can reply, he punches several times on my stomach, arms, and thighs. I try to curl up in pain; however, his hands grasp my body and rip off my clothes. I choke back my now ever so cascading tears, because I know at this point, it's useless to resist.

"Please don't be too aggressive," I quietly ask.

"Oh, Katniss," He remarks, "I will be as rough as I choose to be, and you will enjoy it."

And with that, he unzips his pants, pulls his stiff member out, and forces his way into me. I scream out in pain.

While he continues to force his way in and out of me, he states, "Tonight, I'm going to fuck the shit out of you."

He then grins wickedly. I know that I am in for another night in hell.

* * *

The slight light coming through the window wakes me up. I slowly begin to sit up against the head board, I grimace moderately while doing so. I tensely glance down at my naked body. I allow myself to release a tiny sigh of dismay. The skin covering my stomach has several patches of black and blue on it, my legs have small chaotic scratches, and my face… Well I don't really want to know what my face looks like.

I slide off my edge of the bed, being particularly careful to not wake Gale up, and then I make my way over to my dresser.

I pull out a bra, a pair of panties, a green shirt, and a pair of dark grey jeans. Then I soundlessly sneak my way into the bathroom that's connected to our bedroom. As I look in the mirror at my abused body, a single tear escapes my eye and I let out a shaky breath. I also stare at the reflection of my face. On my left cheek, I have a nasty purple bruise, several red patches are visible directly under my left eye, and I have a savage bite mark on my neck.

I turn the faucet on and begin to wash my face. Finally, when my face is washed and dried, I whip out my many different types of concealers, and begin to paint away my marks of mistreatment. I then begin to change into my clothes, once I have finished applying my cover up.

I head down the stairs and into the kitchen. My cooking skills really are not that great, and Gale lets me know this every single night. I have just never been one that enjoys to cook, paint, bake, or anything that isn't around the lines of being an athletic hobby.

That's what had attracted me to Gale in the first place. The two of us met years ago in the forbidden woods, and we soon became reliant on each other's skills. We were both so alike. We are both so alike; unfortunately though, Gale completely exercised his alpha-male status. I should have stopped him way back then, but at that time I was too naïve, I was too much of a pleaser, and at that time too in love.

I turned on a burner on the stove, and placed a pan on top of it. When it became hot, I cracked three eggs onto the pan, and then I began to continuously stir them until they were fully cooked. I placed the eggs onto a round yellow plate, and as an after touch, I threw on a small pinch of salt.

I placed the plate onto the dining room table, and then headed outside the house. I had been secretly saving money for the past four months, and as a treat, I decided to buy myself a pastry or two from District Twelve's local bakery.

_Mellark's Bakery_ was practically heaven on earth, well, a very expensive version of heaven. People from the Seam, like me, have a difficult time affording anything from the bakery. Generally, the only time we purchase something from there, would be for graduations, weddings, or celebrations of births.

_But today,_ I smiled to myself. _Today, I get to indulge._

_I work part-time at the goat ranch. Recently I have been putting a small fraction of my earnings into a jar. That jar is my security, if Gale and I were to ever separate._

_God, if he were to find out…_ I shudder at that thought. _That would be terrible._

I quickly erase any negative thoughts from my head when I become aware that I am standing in front of the bakery. I push open the door, which causes a small bell to jingle, and then I walk up to the counter. My eyes hungrily and greedily stare at all the small and delicate treats that line the inside of the glass counter.

"May I help you?" A voice, that I fairly recognize, asks me.

I tilt my head up to look at who the voice came from. Of course, It's Peeta Mellark. He's probably eighteen now, so it makes sense that he would be promoted to work at the front of the store.

"Katniss, is that you?" He asks when his eyes meet my eyes for the first time, "Hi! How have you been?"

I can't help but genuinely smile at the sound of his voice. I will always remember the way Peeta has a gift with words.

"I'm fine, thank you. A little tired, but doing good," I reply, "And how about you?"

"Right now, pretty good. But let me tell you," He talks to me with such familiarity, that I have to remember that I haven't seen him in over seven months, "I got this nasty burn a couple hours earlier. My older brother, Rye, was doing some sugar work… And he accidentally knocked the molten sugar on my leg. I'd show it to you, but id rather not upset your appetite."

He then smiles extremely cutely and then releases a small laugh of mock-disapproval.

"Oh my gosh," I say, my voice filled with concern, "Are you ok? Did you go to the hospital?"

He gives me a lopsided smile and begins to talk, "Do you think…" He then leans closer to me and in a hushed voice, he whispers, "Do you believe that… that my crazy old woman," he stops for a second and takes several careful looks behind his shoulder, causing me to laugh, "that she would let me take the day off because of some silly little leg wound? Don't be silly Katniss."

I can't help it. I tried to suppress it, but in that moment, he made me feel an instant of happiness. But then I remembered what I was laughing about.

"Peeta," He looks at me, "If your leg hurts too much you can always come by my mother's house. I'm sure she would check out your leg, and make sure no permanent damage has occurred."

"Oh thank god!" Peeta exclaims, "You have no idea how much it hurts!" he says in a carefree manner while smiling.

I smile at him, but I know that his words are probably true. I know that Peeta isn't the type of person that makes a big deal out of anything, and if anything, he's probably in way more pain than he's letting me know.

"No, but seriously. You should come by her house. And if you're shy…," I give him a teasing look, "I'll escort you there myself."

I knew he was lying about the pain, because I can almost see the look of relief wash over his face.

"You'd really do that for me, Katniss?" He asks, touched.

_Awww._ I have just learned that Peeta has the power to melt my heart.

"Yeah definitely, I'll meet you here once you're done with work. When is that?" I ask him.

"Umm… Officially I should be done by 4:30, but knowing my brothers… They will probably be slacking, so I might have to clean the ovens and wash their dishes for them," He tells me.

_Gosh, Peeta is such a good kid. I can't believe he has grown so much. I mean l can basically see his muscles through his shirt…_

"Ok, I'll be here around 4:30 then," I announce, "Alright, well back to why I came here," I smile at him "I would like a chocolate éclair and one of those cookies with the primrose design."

"Yes ma'am!" He says enthusiastically.

After around thirty seconds, I notice that he has added three éclairs and quite a few cookies.

"Oh Peeta, I can't afford that. I only brought enough for one of each," I tell him slightly alarmed.

"Katniss," He almost pleadingly says, "Don't worry about it. These are on me… Just don't tell my mother… Or my burnt leg will be the last of my problems."

And with that he taped the little cardboard box up and placed it in my hand. When I started to protest, he childishly covered my mouth with his hand and pushed me out the door.

"Peeta…" I tried to whine.

"Again, don't worry about it. I've got you covered. And plus, I can't just let you help me without at least offering you a gift to show that I'm thankful," He said sincerely.

I was about to complain again, but the look in his eyes silences me. I settle for nodding, and saying a thank you.

"Well then, I will see you later tonight. Bye Peeta," I tell him.

He then surprises me when he steps up and wraps his arms around me. I surprise myself even more, when I find my arms wrapped around his back.

"Bye, Katniss," He whispers into my ear.

He then walks away, while waving, and resumes his position behind the counter.

I walked away from the bakery with a new found skip in my step.

_I cannot wait for 4:30_ And with that thought I walked back home from the bakery with a smile.


	2. Chapter 2 x

I impatiently glance at the clock. 3:21 PM. After my visit to the bakery, I went straight to my mother's house and asked her to help Peeta. At first, she was confused by my request, she had probably only met Peeta once or twice before. I myself, haven't stayed in touch with him, besides the occasional times we run into each other on accident. I can't quite explain the look my mother gave me but all I can say is it looked very quizzical. She probably thinks I'm in love with Peeta. Of course not. I'm with Gale, I can't have people thinking I'm in love with Peeta.

But I can't help thinking of Peeta. Especially the day he gave me the bread. Even to this day, I can never shake the connection between this boy, Peeta Mellark, and the bread that gave me hope, and the dandelion that reminded me that I was not doomed. And more than once, I have turned in the school hallway and caught his eyes trained on me, only to quickly flit away. I feel like I owe him something, and I hate owing people. Maybe if I had thanked him at some point, I'd be feeling less conflicted now. I thought about it a couple of times, but the opportunity never seemed to present itself.

Prim walks into the room and frowns at my expression. "Hey, Katniss. Want to hear a joke?"

I wave her offer away. "Not now, Prim."

Prim pouts and plops down on the couch facing me. She watches me nibble my lower lip as I look around. Finally, she can't hold it in anymore. "Where did Susie go during the bombing?"

I stop examining the room and look at my sister, my grey eyes full of shock. "What?" I brush a strand of hair behind my ear, unaware that Prim envies the reddish brown hair that was currently tied behind my head in a braid. Prim rolls her eyes at me and smiles.

"Where. Did. Susie. Go. During. The. Bombing?"

I look uncertain. "I don't know, and I am not sure I want to."

"Do you want the answer or not?"

"Whatever."

Prim takes a deep breath. "Where did Susie go during the bombing?" She bites back a giggle. "Everywhere!"

I gasp. "Prim . . . that is so . . . morbid." I shake my head at her craziness and look down at my hands in my lap, twiddling my thumbs.

Prim just watches me for a few more minutes before speaking again. "Knock, knock."

I look up briefly. "No, Prim. I don't want to do anymore jokes right now."

"Knock, knock."

"No."

"_Knock, knock._"

I throw my arms up in frustration. "Do we have to do this right now?"

"Yes."

I bury my head in my lap. "Gah, fine, whatever."

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?" I mutter, still hiding my face behind my legs.

Prim leans forward and flashes a smile. "Not Susie."

I look up, my eyes disbelieving. And then a snort of laughter left my mouth. "Okay, I admit, you got me there. But really, why are you so morose lately?"

"I'm not. Peeta taught me that one."

My eyes narrow. "Peeta?"

Prim nods. "Peeta."

I stand up from the couch. "I shall go speak to him right now. See you later, Little Duck." I leave the room without saying anything else.

Prim gives me a small smile. "Quack."

* * *

When I finally arrived at Mellark's Bakery, I looked at the time 4:31 PM, perfect timing. I push open the glass door, and make my way into the bakery. Once inside, I see Mr. Mellark behind the counter. I wave politely at him, and he waves back.

"Can I help you with something, miss Everdeen?" He asks, courteously.

"Oh, no thank you," I tell him, "I'm just waiting for Peeta to finish his shift."

"Ah really? He will probably only be a few more short moments, but I'll let him know you're here. Hopefully that will generate some motivation for him to work harder," Mr. Mellark blithely tells me.

I nod my head in thanks towards him, and he turns around and walks into the back of the bakery. A few minutes later, I can hear what sounds like several pots fall down and Mrs. Mellark begin to scream. I smile at this, wondering which Mellark boy was the cause of the mischief. I already can guess that it wasn't Peeta because… well because it's Peeta! Just then, I am greeted by those unclouded, clear blue eyes.

"Hi," he says, curtly.

"Hey," I get off the chair at a table, and walk over to where he stands.

"I'm really sorry about making you wait… Aidan dropped several dishes of icing on the floor… He then ran out of the back of the bakery saying he's late for something, and so I decided to clean it up before my mother became overly irate," Peeta explained.

"Don't worry about it, that's fine," I say honestly, "I just hope that you didn't hurt your leg anymore when you bent down to clean the mess."

I am now concerned about this kids well-being.

"Nah, I doubt it," he casually assumes, "If anything, the walk to your mom's house will be worse."

"I'm sure you will be able to survive!" I playfully tell him, while I loop my right arm around his left arm and pull him towards my mom's house.

As we leave the Mellark's Bakery, I remember what Prim told me earlier this afternoon. "Oh and Peeta... I was wondering why you told Prim such morbid jokes about a dead girl named Susie. Care to explain?"

Peeta literally turns bright red at my question. "Uhm.. It was just a bit of fun. I wanted to make Prim laugh, I didn't actually think she would pass on my awful jokes to you..." Peeta won't meet my eyes. _God, this boy is so adorable. _I can't help but smile at him and say "Peeta the jokes were actually really funny..." I giggle as I remember the jokes. Peeta finally meets my gaze, proud. "I thought you would hate it because it isn't remotely nice..." I roll my eyes and keep walking towards my mom's house with a soft smile on my face.


	3. Chapter 3 x

We arrive at my mother's house without too many difficulties; besides Peeta having to stop every few minutes, because of the pain surging through his leg. I walk him over to a burgundy couch and command him to take a seat, he promptly complies.

My mother then walks into the room and greets him, "Hello Peeta, long time no see. How are you feeling?"

"Hello, Mrs. Everdeen. So far I have been pretty good, how are you doing today?" I can see my mom almost melt at the pure form of politeness coming from his voice. That's one thing Gale was never very good at, talking respectfully.

"I am doing just fine, thank you. Now lets take a look at the leg, shall we?" Peeta nods his head and tentatively lifts the button of his jeans over his left shin.

My mother and I both audibly gasp at the sight, which causes Peeta's face to turn slightly pink.

"I don't think it's too bad " He says, unsurely.

Not to bad? I think to myself.

His left shin is completely reddened with a copious amount of angry blisters.

"Oh, Peeta!" My mom exclaims, "How could you wait all day to get this treated?"

He nervously bites his lower lip and says, "Well, you know, I had a lot of work that needed to be taken care of first. But don't worry, I did have the time to run a little bit of cold water over it."

"Peeta," I say with a thick sound of concern, "If I had known it was this bad, I would have forced you to come with me this morning."

Before Peeta can protest, my mother elevated his leg onto our coffee table, and began to treat it. She mixed up a bowl full of various herbs and liquids - which then she plastered onto his burn. Almost instantly, a small, rapid sigh is released from Peeta's mouth.

I watch him with disbelief. Disbelief that he prioritized his baking duties over his own health. Seeing him accept the pain so willingly, strikes a nerve within me. It's not because I'm jealous that he is such a great human being, it is because I notice something that we have in common.

We are both willing to go through pain, without complaining, if it means less drama in our lives. When Gale hurts me, I don't fight back too much, because it would just make things more complicated. I can see that now, when I see Peeta.

"This injury will most likely leave a scar on your body," my mom warns him. He just simply smiles and lets out a light laugh.

"I don't mind. For a baker, it's almost like a badge of honor," he jokes.

I can tell that my mom appreciates this. Most of the time, her patients are in an erratic state. Peeta must be a breath of fresh, amenable air.

* * *

Over the next two weeks, Peeta and I start to hang out together. It was nice. He really was the sweetest, most sensitive boy to ever live in District Twelve. Not once, did he ever act like a stereo typical merchant snob - if anything, he acted, and thought about himself, in the complete opposite way. He has a very self-deprecating humour about him, that I love and dislike. I love it because he's not an ego-maniac, but dislike it because I don't like it when he puts himself down.

One morning, we met up together at our new favourite hangout spot. It was in this beautiful field of wild flowers, just outside the fence. I have been beyond the surrounding fence many of times, but I had never been outside the fence that was on the opposite side of the Seam. I convinced Peeta to go exploring in the woods with me. In the beginning he was slightly nervous, I knew he had never been on the other side of the fence before.

But after exploring the new side of the woods, we came across this small clearing. It was covered in flowers and the greenest grass I have ever seen. Now, every other morning (when he has the mornings off), Peeta and I share a sunrise with a hot cup of coffee.

We just sit next to each other, in a relaxed silence - just enjoying the different shades of yellows and oranges streak across the sky.

After a few minutes of silence, Peeta breaks it, "_I wish I could freeze this moment_, right here, right now and _live_ in it _forever_," he says softly, "I mean, I don't remember the last time I was ever this… Peaceful."

I nod my head in agreement. I then lay my head down, against the grass, raise my mug of coffee towards Peeta, "To our sun rises together, may we always find peace."

He turns his body towards my general direction, and then clinks his mug against mine, repeating, "Always."

* * *

"KATNISS! Fuck! Katniss get the fuck down here!"

I almost literally leap out of my skin. I am momentarily frozen by Gale's sudden outburst. We had just finished eating dinner, and I went upstairs to get ready for bed.

_Whatever that just happened… Is really bad._

I rush down the stairs, now overly worried with what is wrong with Gale. As soon as I enter the living room, I automatically regret coming down. His face only reads pure fury.

He glares daggers at me, "Katniss, I just got of the phone with my friend Isacar. Do you know what Isacar just told me?" He asks dangerously.

"No, what did he say?" I am confused and scared to find out.

"Isacar called me to mention to me about a couple certain people," He says while examining me closely.

"Ok… Is something wrong?"

"Yes, actually something is very much so wrong! He told me that he has seen you several times with the youngest frosting princess!" He bellows out accusingly. My face pales.

"I… I can explain that," I carefully counter.

"Ok then. PLEASE FUCKING EXPLAIN! Because to me, it sounds like you're having an AFFAIR behind my back!"

"Gale, I'm not having an affair. Peeta is just a very good friend of mine!" I almost yell.

I never did anything with him that should betray Gale's trust in me. Yet, I have found myself several times wondering what it would have been like if we ended up together instead. Maybe that's why I can feel the anger and defensiveness build up in me, possibly the way I feel about Peeta might be changing.

"Don't give me that 'just friends' bull shit! Both you and me already know, that you are sneaking around right behind my back!" He exploded. The back of his hand also exploded on my face.

I find myself falling to the ground, hard. I quickly move my hand to my nose, and I can feel the blood now pour out of it.

"I have had enough of your defiant ways! I am the ONLY man you're allowed to have in your life. Well besides your father, and he's DEAD!" I now feel a current of fury course through my body at Gales cheap, jibe.

"Shut up! Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" I astonish myself when I hear the malice in my voice. It's been years since I have ever truly challenged Gale. "You have NO right. You have no right to talk about my father," I admonished him.

"You don't get to order me around!" He sends a fleeting, powerful kick upon my crouching form. I cry out loudly from the pain, positive he broke several ribs.

At this point in time, there is no doubt that our neighbours can hear everything, but they won't do anything. Domestic abuse is very common and accepted here, in the Seam. Husbands come home from their shitty jobs, take their frustrations out on their wives; unfortunately, wives will then take their hapless lives out on their children. The children will then grow up miserable and the entire cycle will start all over again.

I suppose I shouldn't say that domestic violence is unshared to the Seam. I remember days when some of the merchant children, Peeta in particular, would have bruises covering their bodies. Domestic abuse is rampant in District Twelve.

I collect myself from the kick, and sit my back against a nearby wall. I look up just in time to see Gale coming at me again, this time I plunge my palm into his nose. This makes him curse without abandon, as he holds his nose. The pain is easily read on his face.

_Good. I hope it's broken._

He quickly retaliates by grabbing my hair and pushing my face down, on the floor.

"Bitch, I'm going to make sure you regret that… Fucking cunt," He spits at me while he tears the back of my shirt open.

I can't see what he's doing, but then I suddenly feel it. I begin to thrash uncontrollably, which only makes the pain worse, as I feel my skin being severed by a knife.

"S-stop!" I half choked, half screamed.

"No. You need to be reminded who's in charge. Every time you fantasize about disobeying me, you just remind yourself about these scars. You should actually thank me, it'll keep you in line," he self-righteously told me.

Pools of hot tears began to collect between the floor and my face. Gale kept slashing away randomly at my back. My mind is in a frenzy, almost overcome by pain. I tried to get up, but he would just press my face harder into the cool, wood floor. I can feel my clothing become laden with wetness, wetness from the blood that flows from me.

Finally, he seemed to have finished. He got off my back and whispered, "Sweet dreams, my love." That's when I felt him lift my head up, and then slam it back into the ground.

Blackness encircles me.

* * *

BANG BANG BANG

I am aroused from my sleep by a thudding against my front door. I stand up, too quickly, and I instantly regret it. For a moment, I wonder why my back is singing with pain - unfortunately I remember all too soon.

_I can't believe he went that far._ I honestly think. Yes, Gale has crossed the line many times, but he has never used a knife before. _I really don't know what to do. What has happened to me? Where did my confidence go?_

BANG BANG BANG

My head snaps up in the direction of the door, now remembering what woke me up.

"Yes?" I call loud enough for the person outside to hear.

"Katniss?" Shit. "You didn't make it to the clearing. I came here to make sure you were ok," I hear Peeta announce from the other side of the door.

I completely forgot that I made plans to meet up with him today. Well, I guess that's not really the thing I think about as I bleed out on the floor.

_Lie. Lie. Lie. Think of a lie!_

If Peeta finds out about what happened last night, he would surely become upset. Ok, well more than upset. He would go ballistic over this.

"Oh! Sorry Peeta," I force my voice to sound hoarse, which isn't that hard. "I woke up sick this morning… and I couldn't make it out," I make sure I include a cough or two.

Saying I'm sick really isn't that far of a stretch. I feel terrible. Aside from my back, I am sleep deprived, malnourished, and have a splitting head ache.

"Can I come in?" He asks all too innocently.

_Think. Think. Think._

"Ok, just let me clean up for a quick second," I let him know.

Once I hear him say "sure," I quickly walk upstairs to get changed. I only had to clean a small spot of blood, because Gale, always the gentleman, already cleaned up most of it. I make it into my room, I rip the clothes from my dresser, and then I throw them onto my body. I then go into the bathroom to check my reflection in the mirror, making sure I appear to be recently inured to disease. I really do look sick. I begin to believe that all the blood loss is the cause for that.

When I'm satisfied with my appearance, I semi-hobble back down the stairs. I take a deep breath, as I approach the door.

_Just act normal. Just act sick._

I place my hand on the door, _You Can't Turn Back Now,_ and slowly turn the knob. When the door is fully open, I look up at Peeta - he has a moderately concerned expression adorned on his face.

"Hi," he says mutely. "How are you feeling?"

"Hey, Peeta. It's a funny story…" I mentally kick myself for my word choice. "When I woke up today, I felt absolutely terrible." _That's definitely not a lie. _"I think I must have caught a cold or something."

I am relieved when Peeta buys my story and says, "Oh Katniss… Do you want me to make you some tea? You know what? I think I have some fever medicine at home. Let me go get it."

Before Peeta can turn around, I grab him by the arm. "I don't think I'm sick enough for medicine, tea would be lovely, though."

I am actually surprised to find out that he has fever medicine. If I remember what my mom said correctly, that type of medicine isn't too cheap. There is no way I can let him give me some, for my fake illness. Although, I have heard, the pills do help relieve pain.

"Ok, sure," Peeta said with a hint of a smile. He took my hand off his arm, and walked outside before I could say anything. A few seconds later, he strolled back in with two paper, coffee cups in his hands. "I figured, when you didn't show up, that you weren't feeling to good. Here, I bought you some lemon ginger tea. The barista told me it's supposed to be soothing," and with that he handed me one of the piping hot cups - I gratefully accept his offer.

Right then and there, I feel a slight pricking and stinging sensation behind my eyelids.

_Ugh, Peeta is such a nice, caring kid. Don't you dare cry in front of him._

I must have been making a strange face, because he then asks me, "Is your sickness getting worse?" His clear blue eyes are welled up with concern.

I take a deep breath and shake my head, "No, I'm fine. Thanks. And thank you so much for the tea," I don't think he realizes just how touched I am. I drink some of the tea, it tastes amazing. Then I realize, it's because there is honey in the tea. Honey is not cheap by any means, this makes me feel guilty. "Wait here, let me reimburse you."

Now it's his turn to gently grab my arm, before I can leave to find my wallet. "Katniss, I wouldn't have bought it for you, if I expected you to pay for it. So please, let me be selfish this one time, and pay for it," why does this boy have to be so amiable all the time?

"But Peeta… At least allow me to make this up to you. I can -" Before I could complain anymore, he quieted me by placing a finger to my lips.

"Don't worry about it. Please? And plus, you're sick. You should be thinking about yourself right now. I'm worried about you, you know? You look three shades lighter than your natural skin tone, and that scares me," the anxious quality in his voice and expression, makes him appear much younger. In this moment, he looks so naïve and vulnerable.

All I want to do, now, is hug him, tell him that everything is going to be ok - I want to find out what is haunting him, and chase away the monsters from under his bed. I see a scared boy. But at the same time, I know that this boy can turn into a man, instantly, if something precious to him is threatened.

_I wonder what he would do if he found out about Gale._ I stop myself there, because he can never find out. I don't know how I could handle it, if he actually did know.

"Don't worry about me. I wasn't feeling good last night, so I skipped dinner… and well breakfast for that matter. Now I guess my skin coloration is paying for that," I tried to keep my voice as level as possible.

Again, Peeta buys what I said, without question. "Being sick, and starving yourself… Isn't probably the best combination in the world. Though, I can understand not wanting to eat. Nothing worse then throwing up." I can't help but think about how cute he looks when he pretends to shudder.

"Yes, that is the very worst. I have to agree with you," I playfully say, thankful that he can easily lighten the mood.

_Now, if I was just a few years older…. and not with Gale.. _I try to stop my thoughts, but after two years of being with someone that doesn't have a nurturing side, being around the always tenderhearted Peeta does have a strong appeal. _Maybe Gale was right, in a way. Not about me cheating… Physically, but maybe I am cheating on him mentally._ I never thought about it until now, but now that I have, I'm not as distraught as I probably should be.

"Tell you what," Peeta says, snapping me out of my thoughts, "I know this one recipe that I usually make, when someone in my family gets sick. It's quite miraculous, actually, I swear it won't upset your stomach. I'll make it for you." He finishes with a scent of pride in his voice.

"You cook?" I ask him, pleasantly surprised.

Peeta gives me an adorable grin and answers, "Absolutely, I do."

I smile at the sureness in his voice.

"What? You don't really assume that my _mother_ would actually cook, do you? Heavens no! When I was around five, she told me, 'son, Mrs. Henther is going to give you cooking lessons. From now on, I expect you to make meals for your brothers. Don't mess this up.' It was one of my more terrifying experiences. I remember every time I screwed up and wasted ingredients, I'd earn a good smack. At that time, I hadn't started working at the bakery yet, so she had to find something I could be useful at."

"That does sound terrifying," I jokingly agree with him.

"Oh it was beyond traumatizing. You have no idea," he says overly dramatic, but I can also hear a small twinge of seriousness.

"Does somebody need a hug?" I tease.

"Absolutely, I do." He says again.

I beamed at him and walked towards him with my arms open. He took two steps in my direction, and then engulfed me in his arms. He then leaned down and smooched his face into my shoulder, and made faux whimpering noises. Playing along with the facade, I patted his back and murmured "there, there. It'll be aright."

I'm not sure if I'm saying it to him as a joke, or if I'm more saying it to myself. I can't help but recall the _incident_ from last night. WIth the recent memory now stuck in my head, I embrace Peeta with a new found yearning for security. The hug that started out as a joke, has now turned into much more for me.

_I wonder if Peeta can tell?_

Peeta has great intuition when it comes to moments like these, but I doubt he'll mention anything without me talking first. That's just who he is. It's not until he squeezes me tighter on my shoulders that I realize a few tears have taken flight from my eyes and fallen onto his neck.

"Katniss?" He breathes into my hair, "Are you in pain?"

Sometimes I hate his intuitiveness.

When I don't say anything, he pulls away from our hug, but keeps his hands on my shoulders. He looks me in the eyes and gently asks, "Why are you crying?"

I avoid his gaze and just shake my head.

"You can tell me anything. You know that right? I won't say anything to anyone," his eyes then look upward, he does that when he's deep in thought. He looks back at me and with a serious voice, says, "Did Gale do something?"

I'm not too shocked that he asked this question. In the recent past, I have complained about him to Peeta. He knows that we are in a _rough_ patch in our relationship, he just doesn't know how bad it is. For the past two-three weeks, Peeta has been my go-to guy for venting all my frustrations about Gale. He actually gives great advice; unfortunately, I can't use any of it, because Peeta doesn't know Gale's abusive. I'm sure if he knew, then his advice would be perfect for me. But I just can't tell him. I don't want to bring him into any of this.

"Last night, Gale and I had a pretty big fight," I say honestly, "I haven't seen him since our fight. Peeta you don't understand, the anger and rage in his eyes… was almost unbearable to look at."

"Oh, Katniss…" Peeta mumbles apologetically. "If I had a girlfriend that was so sick she refused food, the last thing I would do is get in a fight with her."

"What would you do?" I meekly question. I can almost feel a small, sad smile prick at the corners of my lips - I know he's trying to cheer me up.

"Hmm… Well first of all," he walks behind me, places his hands on the back of my shoulders, and attentively leads me to the stairs. "I would make sure she's comfortable in bed, you know, not overexerting herself."

He walks me up the stairs and then into my room. Once inside, he carefully pushes me onto my bed, and then he pulls a blanket over my arms. "Once she's resting in bed, I would make sure she had a nice cup of hot tea; however, I already got that part covered," he said, while motioning towards my tea that he placed on my night stand.

"You're already one step ahead of yourself… You overachiever," I am now trying my hardest to focus on Peeta and forget about what happened with Gale.

"Yes, I know. After the tea, I'd go downstairs and make her some fantastic tasting soup, that she can actually eat without worry of it coming back up. But then, I'd remember that the kitchen doesn't currently stock the ingredients for this amazing soup, so I'd go into town and buy them." I was so caught up in listening to the sound of his melodic voice, that I just understood what he was implying.

"I can't ask you to do that. I can't make you make me a soup, much less buy the ingredients for it." I try to tell him, but he's already making his way to the door.

"Too little, too late, Katniss! You see, you're not allowed to leave that bed until you feel better… So you really can't stop me. And plus, this is a special soup. It can heal your stomach and whatever is going on with Gale," he tells me over his shoulder. "Bye, I'll see you in about forty-five minutes, hopefully."

I hear his footsteps on the stairs as he trudges downwards, then I hear the door open and close.

I release a sharp breath and hold my head in my hands.

_Peeta Mellark, why do you do this to me?_


	4. Chapter 4 x

I was reading a book when Peeta came back. I was quite impressed - he was only gone for approximately thirty-eight minutes. I am still reading my book, but I am also now waiting impatiently for him to finish. The splendid smell, wafting upstairs from the kitchen, more than teases my nose. I wanted to go into the kitchen and help him, but he wouldn't allow it. Blondie won't even allow me out of my bed. So he leaves me here to suffer, while my poor stomach growls.

"Peeta! Are you almost done yet?" I call out, growing restless.

I hear his footsteps trek upwards. My door slowly opens, and Peeta peaks his head into my room. "You know you really shouldn't shout. It might give you a headache," he dares to lecture me.

"B-but I'm hungry " I whine like a small child.

This causes him to smile, which then causes me to smile. "Have no fear, Kat. It's almost done. I'll bring it up in " he checks his watch, "five minutes. Ok?"

"Ok," I whisper.

He gives me one more lingering smile, and then walks back down the stairs and into the kitchen. I can hear a couple pots and pans bang against each other, and I can only guess what's going on.

I hope he's not making a mess. Gale hates it when the kitchen gets dirty.

While I wait, I begin to wonder if having Peeta in my house cooking me lunch, while Gale is away at work, would be considered cheating. I don't think it is, because we don't do anything Romantic with each other. But the fact that I don't want Gale to find out about Peeta's home visits, might mean I feel guilty about it.

But do I feel guilty? Do I truly feel guilty about Peeta coming over? I think I'm more guilty about the concept of having a man I don't know over at my house, then actually having Peeta over.

I can now hear Peeta walk up the stairs, and a couple of dishes rattling. He walks over to me and lays a tray on my lap. I stare cravingly at the soup bowl, and pick up a spoon off the tray.

I glance up at Peeta, "Thank you so much! I think I might just love you."

Peeta's facial expression changes briefly, but then he's quickly able to regain his composure. "Eat up, you deserve it," he remarks.

I greedily submerge my spoon into the mouth-watering concoction. Once I am satisfied with the amount on my spoon, I lift it to my mouth and sip the soup off it. Delicious. Absolutely delicious. How I was able to survive for twenty-one years and not know what bliss tastes like is way besides me.

"I hope it's ok I'm afraid I might have left it on the stove too long," the genius cook says self-consciously.

"Ok? Oh my capitol, this is extraordinary! I didn't know it was even possible for food to taste this yummy," I praise him enthusiastically.

He blushes. I want to squeal out loud at his adorableness, but I have the sense to keep it in. Instead, I settle with making a satisfied moan.

"I don't know if I'd say 'extraordinary,'" he looks at his hands in complete humility.

"It's ok, you don't have to know. I know. I know that its extraordinary," I wish he wasn't so humble sometimes.

"Thanks, Katniss. I should be leaving now," my head snaps up to look at him.

"Why?" I grouse. I am not ready for him to leave yet.

"I would love to stay longer, but my shift at the bakery is about to start," he explains. "We actually have a few cake orders that I need to do. I'll see you later. Hopefully then, you'll be feeling better."

"I wish you could stay longer, but I guess duty calls. Bye Peeta, come visit me soon," I basically plead.

"Bye, Katniss," he whispers, and then he leaves.

I don't start eating again until I hear the front door click shut.

* * *

"Katniss, I'm home!" I am awakened at 10:45 by Gale's robust voice. "Oh hey! You made dinner!"

When I hear that, I become childishly upset. That soup wasn't made for him, Peeta made it for _me_. I hear some clicking and clanking noises, and then I hear Gale trample up the stairs. He bursts into our bedroom with a pleased smile on his face. His nose is a deep shade of pink, and it is adorned with a small bandage.

"Oh my lord! This soup is spectacular! When did you get so good at cooking?" I look at his hands and see that he's gripping onto his own bowl of soup.

"I don't know. I just decided to try a new recipe. I'm glad you like it," I lie.

"I don't like it, I love it. Whatever you did, you should keep doing it," this is the most praise I have received from Gale in a long while. Sadly, he's actually indirectly praising my favorite baker.

"Well I'm glad you like it," I say with a fake smile.

_Maybe Peeta wasn't joking when he said that this will fix what happened with Gale. His soup has put him in the best mood I have seen him in this week._

"Catnip," he says while taking my hands into his own. "I want to talk about what happened last night."

"Talk about what?" I really do not want to have this conversation right now.

"Don't play dumb, you know what I'm talking about."

"Ok, what do you want to talk about then?" I concede.

"I just need you to understand why I lashed out at you. I was upset about hearing from my friend that you might be having an affair. You gotta understand where I'm coming from, there is nothing more humiliating than having a friend tell me that my wife is fucking an eighteen year old. I guess, I just sort of lost it." This is probably the closest Gale will ever come to apologizing to me.

I debate whether or not I should take advantage of his good mood - I decide that I should. "You scared me so much when you grabbed the knife," I whisper sadly.

"I wish I didn't have to do it. It won't happen again as long as I don't feel threatened," I think he's trying to sincerely comfort me.

_He's terrible at it._

I simply nod my head at him and decide to change the subject, "You're in a really good mood tonight. Did something happen?"

I can see a glint in his eyes when he says, "Yeah, something happened. But don't worry about it. It doesn't concern you."

For some reason, maybe Peeta's intuition is rubbing off on me, his statement unnerves me.

* * *

**Two Hours Earlier**

I've been in a fantastic state of mind since my visit to Katniss' house. I worked happily through my shift without wanting to take a break. My brothers and dad all appreciated my extra hard work, because I would help them out with their own projects. Twenty minutes ago, my family left the bakery to run errands, hang out with friends, or go on dates. Today is my turn to close up the bakery.

I usually don't enjoy having to close up shop, it means I have extra work to do. But now, I'm thankful, because I plan on making strawberry mousse for Katniss. I have to make a large batch of strawberry mousses for tomorrow, so my parents won't notice if I make the batch just big enough for an extra mousse cup.

_I hope she likes strawberries._

Life really is unfair. I have liked Katniss since I was in elementary school when I saw her sing in the middle school's choir. I don't think she even knew I was alive back then. That was hard for me, but then it got worse. When I entered high school, I fell head over heels in love. And then, then it got weird. I told my dad that I had a crush on her; in return, he decided to traumatize me my telling me he and Mrs. Everdeen were once engaged.

I thank my lucky stars every single night that Katniss and I are not siblings today.

It is now 8:55, I decide to close the bakery five minutes early. I casually stroll up to the door and flip the sign around so "closed" is displayed to the outside world. I then walk into the back of the bakery where we make all of our merchandise. I grab some strawberries, sugar, eggs, and heavy cream. I pour an exact amount of cream, to make 49 individual mousse cups, into a large, copper mixing bowl. As I start whisking the cream, I hear the bakery door open with a jingle.

"Sorry, we're closed for the night," I say as I walk into the room. Before I can stand behind the counter, I look at who entered, and I stop dead in my tracks.

"Oh, we're not here to buy anything. Don't worry. We're just here to have some friendly conversation," Gale Hawthorne says to me in a twisted voice. His face sports a devious smile.

I don't think I would have been so tense if only Gale was standing in front of me. Instead, two other tall, grungy men are standing to his sides.

"Did you come here to talk cookies?" I asked light heartedly.

I was trying to lessen the tension in the room, but it seems to only make them angrier.

"Shut the fuck up!" Gale screeches.

I'm taken aback a bit, but I'm able to swiftly gather myself again.

"Listen," he now says a bit more calmly. "I know that you and my girlfriend have been sneaking around my back. I'm here to tell you that I don't appreciate my girlfriend getting fingered by frosting fingers."

"Katniss and I have never done anything of that nature," I tell him with complete confidence.

"Listen," he says dangerously. "Leave my girl alone, and no one will get hurt."

"Are you threatening me?" I ask.

Gale walks up to me, and before I can react, he slugs me in the stomach. He then bends down and menacingly states, "No, I'm promising you."

He then gives me a swift kick before leaving the bakery with his friends.

While I lay on the tile floor, grasping my stomach, fear begins to take over my entire body. This fear is not felt for myself.

_If he can casually attack me…_ I can barely bring myself to continue thinking. _What has he done to Katniss?_

* * *

Today, I am in a abnormally bright and cheery mood. I had no problems with Gale yesterday - he ate his soup and then he went straight to bed. This morning, he ate his breakfast and then headed off to work.

_Today is going to be a good day._ I think to myself as a turn the shower on. _I have a coffee date with Peeta, later I have work, and then maybe I'll buy a cupcake from Peeta's bakery._

I hold my hand under the sprinkling water, and I wait for the temperature to rise. Our heating system is very bad. The water temperature will never rise above being barely warm. Once my hand is satisfied with the warmth, I strip all of my clothes and tentatively step inside the shower. The cuts on my back sting where the water droplets make contact with my skin, but overall I feel pretty relaxed. I reach for the ever slippery soap, and begin to wash any away any dirt from my body.

_I wish I had the money to buy those fancy shower gels that they sell in town._ I regrettably think to myself. For some reason, I feel the uncontrollable urge of wanting to smell exceptional for Peeta.

Now, my cuts are more irritated from the soap bubbles that are seeping into their crevices. I hurriedly try to wash them away; it's hard though, when I can't see where my hands are scrubbing. I scrunch up my nose and wrinkle my forehead when my left hand brushes, a little too hard, against a large bruise across my abdomen. _That's what you get for loving the wrong man._

I finish taking my shower, and then I go to relieve myself. When I start to urinate, I feel an intense burning sensation. I'm caught off guard since I haven't had sex with Gale for a while now; in addition, even though it's pretty rough sex, I never felt such intense pain from peeing.

_Maybe I have a UTI? I'm sure my mom has something for that._ There is nothing worse than having the only healer in the Seam, be your mother.

"Katniss?" I hear a voice call from down stairs.

Because I'm upstairs inside a closed room, I can't tell who it is, but I put on my clothing very quickly.

"Katniss?" The voice now calls more urgently.

When I pull my shirt on over my head, I briskly jog down the stairs. I see a very unsettled Peeta sitting on my couch in the living room.

"What are you doing here?" I don't say this in a mean way, I'm just quite confused.

At the sound of my voice, Peeta turns his head to look at me, and I swear I can see relief wash over his face.

"Oh, thank god," he breaths out.

"Peeta what's going on?" I cautiously question.

Peeta looks apologetically at the front door and says, "Sorry for coming in like this. I knocked earlier, but no one answered. When I called your name, and no one answered, I began to freak out."

"Forget about that. What's wrong?" His strange behaviour is starting to scare me.

He looks at me as if he's trying to find something. He must have found what he was looking for, or gave up because he looks back at my face.

"Katniss? When did you get that bruise?" he gestures at me. "Right there on your right arm. Or the one on your neck?"

My hand flashes up to cover the bruise on my neck. How could I be so stupid? I forgot to put my cover-up on when I heard someone call my name, and now I have to explain these bruises.

I force a fake giggle from my mouth, "These bruises? I… I… Um. I was at work, and an out of control goat ran into me. Knocked be straight onto the ground!" I wince at my own pathetic excuse for a lie.

"Please don't get mad when I say this, and if I'm wrong I'm very sorry," Peeta apologizes. "Is the hypothetical goat's name Gale Hawthorne?"

I can literally feel my entire face turn white, and all the muscles in my body stiffen.

"W-what?" I choke out.

Peeta gives me a sympathetic smile. It's like he already knows the answer, but I don't understand how. He's only met Gale a few times before, and I don't think it would be enough for him to deduce that he's abusive.

"Of course not, what are you talking about?" I say this as if he just told the best joke ever.

"Um, well… Last night, Gale actually came to visit me at the bakery," I think my already white face just got paler.

"Gale d-did what?" I croak.

"Yeah, he came by the bakery with a couple of his friends…" he says too casually.

Gale's actions have taken me by surprise. I'm not sure if I should start apologizing to Peeta even though I have no idea if Gale did anything or not, but if Peeta is mentioning it then something had to have happened.

"Peeta what did Gale do?" I interrogated forcefully.

"It's not really a big deal, I'm just here to check up on-"

"What. Did. Gale. Do?" I interrupt him.

I watch Peeta's shoulders raise and then fall as he sighs.

"He told me that he doesn't like it when I hang out with you," I know he's not telling me everything.

"Anything else?"

I can tell that Peeta is having an inward debate with himself about whether or not he should tell me. Once he finishes deciding, he puts on a sour expression.

"Well, I might have taken a punch or two, but it's really no big deal," Peeta explains as he raises his shirt above his waist.

The kid is toned. I then see a reddish-purple colour on his lower abdomen, and I know all to well, from experience, that the color will only darken.

"Gale attacked you?" I almost shriek out.

Peeta winces at the sound of my voice. He looks around uncomfortably as he nervously scratches the back of his head.

He gives me a look, like he's struggling on telling me the truth, when he says, "Well maybe it wasn't really an attack. It was just a punch… and a … kick."

"I'm going to have to talk to Gale about this," I am pissed off. It's one thing for him to hurt me, but he is not allowed to harm my friends - especially Peeta who is six years younger than him.

"Katniss, please," Peeta gives me those too damn cute, puppy eyes. "I'm fine, really. I didn't come here to complain about what happened. I'm here to make sure that you're ok?"

I think that when Peeta woke up today he decided 'I'm going to go to Katniss' house today, and try to say as many things that will leave me tongue tied.

"Uh… what?" I asked confused.

"Uhm…" Peeta starts with an anxious voice. "Well, I don't want to make any… assumptions… But does, does Gale ever… Ah never mind. It's not important."

I know that he wanted to ask something, but I don't press him for details. There is always a chance that he wants to ask me about if Gales does to me what he did to Peeta. I don't know what I would say if he asked me that.

"Ok, well I'll make sure to talk to Gale about his late night visits. I am so, so sorry about what happened," I inform him.

"No, it's fine. I don't want to cause you any trouble. Don't worry about it," he tells me.

Peeta then lets out a small sigh and bids me a good bye. I try to ask him if he wants to come in and drink some tea, but he tells me that he's fine. Once he leaves, I decide that I should stop by at my mother's place. Today's Saturday so Prim should be out of school, maybe I'll bring her to the bakery. She loves Peeta's cakes.

I walk into my bathroom, and just as I'm about to go, I notice that my underwear is spotted with blood droplets.

_This is weird. I swear I had my period just a week and a half ago. I've been pretty regular for many years now._

If I ever get the courage, I'll bring it up to my mother later today.

* * *

Several hours after thinking (about the Peeta/Gale situation) and milling around my house, I leave for my mom's place. It's awkward to talk to her about having a urinary track infection, but it has got to be done. This isn't the first time that I've needed one of her many remedies for my never regions; on the other hand, the last time I needed her help was seven years ago when I still lived with her. Ever since I've started having sex, it's uncomfortable to ask her personal questions about myself.

I walk on the dirt road, following all the twist and turns it makes. I can feel the edges of small pebbles through the worn down soles of my leather boots. The bottom of my boots have tattered squares of different color leather that I have sewn together to patch up my shoes.

I eventually find myself in front of my old home. It might just be my imagination, but for some reason, the house seems to emit an ominous ambiance.

_Here goes nothing._ I think uneasily.

I take the last few heavy steps to the front of the door, and knock. Then I wait. I fidget as I hear the sound of feet approaching the door. For some reason, I feel like I'm going to come home unhappy.

The door swings open, my mom is standing there with a warm smile on her face, "Hi, sweetheart! It's been so long."

"Hi, mom. How have you been?" My voice sounds rigid.

"I've been doing well, but what about you? Are you ok?" She looks worried. I know she picked up on my tone of voice.

"I've just been having a pretty bad day. But it'll work itself out," I answer hopefully.

"Is it trouble with Gale?" she questions.

_Nail on the head, mom, nail on the head._ She is too good at this.

I try to play it of coy, "What makes you say that?"

"Well, I'll have you know, I was once in a relationship too. Believe it or not, your father and I used to fight sometimes," she expertly replies.

"Yeah, i guess that's true… Can I come in?" I try to change the subject.

"Of course, honey. Come on in," she says as she steps to the side of the door.

I walk in and I take a seat on her couch, she sits next to me.

"So what's up?" She asks. She knows that I didn't come here to talk about my life. Ever since I moved in with Gale, I haven't stopped by here that often. I'm now feeling a little more than guilty about that.

"Well…" I start to say awkwardly, "this morning when I was going to the bathroom… I felt this intense burning pain. I think I might have a UTI. Do you have any medicine for that?"

My mom looks a little surprised from my request. I don't blame her since we aren't a really open family - I don't like to share my problems with her.

"Alright, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?" She asks politely.

_When did we ever become so formal with each other._

I nod my head as my 'yes' to her question.

"These might be a little personal so I'm sorry ahead of time," she warns.

_Oh boy._

"Were you exposed to a large group of people in close quarters?"

"No," I reply, my eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"Have you been wet for a long period of time?"

"Um… You're going to have to elaborate on that one," I tell her, frazzled.

She blushes when she realizes her phrasing.

"Have you worn wet clothing for a long length of time?" She says a bit more prudently this time.

"Mm… Not that I can remember."

I really don't know what she is trying to get with all these random questions.

"When was the last time you've had sex?" She asks extremely quickly.

"Uh… Uhm… Er.. not recently?" I cough out uncomfortably.

"Ok, ok. Any other symptoms that you have been experiencing?" She asks me suspiciously as if she knows something that I don't know.

I decide to man up (or woman up) and tell her about the bleeding.

"Several hours earlier, I noticed some bleeding even though I just had my period recently," I honestly inform her.

Her face scrunches up as if she's very displeased with the news.

"Normally, that happens every once in a while to girls. It really isn't all that rare."

"So I'm alright? No cause for alarm?" I feel almost relieved.

"I would like to say yes, but if you combine this symptom with your earlier symptom…" She trails off.

"What? You can't not tell me now," I hate UTIs, but it won't be the end of the world.

"Sweetheart, I think you have… Gonorrhoea," she lets out the bomb.

"What? What makes you say that?" I feel like laughing because this is such an unrealistic situation. The only way I could have gotten it is if I had slept with other men, which I haven't.

My mother looks down at her hands anxiously. Her entire body language seems strange - something is off.

"What aren't you telling me?" We may not be a very close family, but I _do_ know when she's keeping something important from me.

I know something is wrong when she refuses to meet my eyes.

"I don't know why, but I didn't think too much about it when he came by…"

"When who came by, mom?"

"Gale visited me two days ago, something about how he hasn't been feeling good."

"Gale did? He never told me about this." I say, surprised.

"I think it must have been to embarrassing for him even though you're his girlfriend."

Now I have to know why he came here.

"What did he have? A cold? I don't recall him sneezing."

"He told me about his symptoms just like you. Except his where an off-colored discharge from his penis and swollen testes. Those are the male symptoms of gonorrhoea."

"Oh. my. god." I gasp out. "He gave me gonorrhoea."

Then in an instant realization struck me full-force.

"Gale cheated on me!" I voice loudly. I am horrified.

"Now Katniss, lets not jumped to any conclusions."

"I'm not jumping on anything. There is no way he could have gotten an STD without sleeping around!" I feel so betrayed.

"What are you going to do?"

I am half way out of the door when she finishes her question.

* * *

I am so filled with fury at Gale's betrayal, that I don't realise I am at the Hob until I see Gale sitting on one of Greasy Sae's stools. "Gale! What the fuck Gale?! Your cheating on me!" I scream at him before I am aware that we have an audience. I can tell I have caught Gale off guard with my outburst. But he quickly composes himself and stands, trying to calm me down. "Baby, I can ex..." Gale tries before I punch him across the face. "Fuck you Gale, I'm leaving you. I hope you have a great life, fucking other girls because you raping me isn't enough!" I burst out, unaware of the people gawking. I turn and walk away.

"Baby, please. Now hold on. Can we at least talk about this?" Gale attempts coming after me but I just keep walking. "Katniss stop this! You have nowhere to go and you know it." I turn around and face Gale with a smug expression on my face. "I'll go stay with my mother and sister or maybe I'll even stay with Peeta..." I feel superior at Gale's displaced face. "No, I forbid you from staying with Bread boy, you little bitch." Gale grabs my shoulder and I all of a sudden spin around and punch him again. Gale, caught off guard, nearly goes down. "You can't make decisions for me anymore, you mother fucking piece of shit!" I launch myself at him, hitting and clawing at everything I can reach. Tears flowing. I feel heartbreak, anger and humiliation course through my veins. Gale stumbles backwards and tries to block the blows. "Stop...hitting...me" Gale manages to get out before deflecting my punch and lashing out at me. Gale punches me in the face. Hard. I drop to my hands and knees; I spit out blood. "Your insane, you know that right? Look what you made me do!" Gale tells me. "Come on, I'll get you some ice..." I spit blood in his face which seems to only enrage him even more because he backhands me, sending me slamming back down into the ground. Gale sits on my chest and hisses menacingly "You don't want to fuck me? Fine. When I'm done with you, nobody's going to want to fuck you, not even bread boy." Gale lifts his fist into the air for another hit when I hear a voice growl at Gale. "Hey. Leave her alone." I hear the impact of a boot to Gale's face, Gale's weight is lifted off of me and I look up to find Haymitch Abernathy, the drunken district 12 victor, standing over Gale. Haymitch looks dangerous, he even scares me for a minute. Haymitch starts beating Gale with his fists until he blacks out. Then he turns on me and offers me his hand. I take his hand and let him help me up. "Are you okay?" Haymitch asks me in concern. "I'm fine.. Thank you."

Haymitch smiles at me before turning to an unconscious Gale. "I'm going to take him to the Peacekeepers... Do you want to come with me?" Haymitch turns to me again, questioningly. In response, I look at Gale and give a slight nod. Haymitch picks up Gale and throws him over his right shoulder as if he weighed no more than a turkey; I follow immediately and walk side by side with Haymitch to the Peacekeepers post. Along the way, curiosity overtakes me and I start questioning Haymitch. "Why did you help me?" I suddenly blurt out. Haymitch scowls at the sky before answering me, "I wasn't going to let this dickhead beat up my best friends daughter, sweetheart." At my bewildered expression, Haymitch clarifies. "I was best friend's with your father, we would hang out around the hob and he would always bring you with him. I think he just wanted to show you off to the world. He really loved you, you were his pride and joy Katniss." Haymitch's words about my father brings tears to my eyes but I blink them away. I don't answer him but I guess he wasn't really expecting an answer as we fall into a comfortable silence.

When we finally arrive at the Peacekeeper's post, Gale is charged with Abuse and multiple counts of Rape then thrown into a cell for a couple of days till the Capitol gets involved. The Capitol always gets involved with crimes like Rape or worse, like murder. They'll execute him for sure. As Haymitch and I leave, we say a half-hearted goodbye to each other and I thank him again but he just brushes my gratitude away as if he was happy to help. Then we head our separate ways.


	5. Chapter 5 x

It has nearly been a whole week since the incident with Gale. A whole week of people staring at me... I kind of regret blurting out that Gale raped me. But the truth was going to get out sooner or later. I am also extremely embarrassed about how I reacted but I can't say that I'm sorry for that either.

I have moved back into my old home with my mother and sister, Prim. I didn't actually realise how much i missed home until I got back. I mourned my old life here when I lived with Gale but I never said anything, now I wish I did. There are a lot of things I miss like my father, the mockingjay's that sing in the trees and the days where I didn't have to constantly worry about my family's safety.

_I think I'll go hunting tomorrow morning, I miss that too..._ The bow and arrows is my weapon. But I've spent a fair amount of time throwing knives as well. Sometimes, if I've wounded an animal with an arrow, it's better to get a knife into it, too, before I approach it... I haven't been hunting for a couple of weeks because Gale kept me on house arrest. I still remember the day I started hunting, only a month after my father's death in the mining accident. It was slow-going at first, but I was determined to feed us. I stole eggs from nests, caught fish in nets, sometimes managed to shoot a squirrel or rabbit for stew, and gathered the various plants that sprung up beneath my feet. Plants are tricky. Many are edible, but one false mouthful and you're dead. I checked and double-checked the plants I harvested with my father's pictures. I kept us alive.

I am jolted out of my thoughts by a loud knock on the front door. I slowly get up and make my way to the door. When I open it, I am surprised to see Peeta Mellark, we haven't arranged to meet up today but it's a nice surprise. Peeta gives me a warm smile before wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug, "Hey" He says softly in my ear. "Hey yourself" I reply, smiling. And then he gives me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.

"I just came round to ask you if you would like to go on a Picnic with me? The reaping is tomorrow and if one of us gets picked, well... you know. Lets just say this is my reaping gift to you." Peeta tells me, his eyes have glazed over. He is probably thinking about my name getting drawn from the reaping ball. "Peeta!" I startle him back to the real world. "None of us are going to get picked... there are thousands of slips in those bowls. The odds may not be in our favour but our chances of getting picked is unlikely." Peeta nods, considering my words. "Thank you... I really needed to hear that. It's just... I don't want to lose you." Peeta's words cause an emotion I hardly ever feel to rise up in me, Indignation. "No one really needs me," he says, and there's no self-pity in his voice... I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me. "I do," I say. "I need you." He looks upset, takes a deep breath as if to begin a long argument, and that's no good, no good at all, because he'll start going on about Prim and my mother and everything and I'll just get confused. So before he can talk, I stop his lips with a kiss... Softly. Lovingly. We breathed our souls and our love into each other in that kiss. That kiss; hard, but soft; fiery but cool; a split second but also forever. In that one kiss, I then knew what was behind that dazzling smile, and it made my love for him grow even more...

When we finally parted, I could feel myself blushing and the butterflies in my stomach going wild. A wide smile crosses my face along with a sense of giddiness and light headedness. I shyly, look up at Peeta from under my lashes and see he is gazing down at me as if I was made of pure gold. "Wow... that was..." He seems to be at a loss for words, which only makes me smile wider. "Breath-taking" I finish his sentence for him before capturing his lips again and pulling him inside.

When we are both safely inside and the door is shut, Peeta presses me into the wall next to the front door. I tip my head back, exposing my neck to him. He entwines his hands in mine and leans forward, bringing his mouth to my neck. He breathes against my skin softly and then kisses my throat. His lips and tongue gently play against my throat, slowly kissing left and right, up and down, all along my neck. I'm whimpering and pressing against him until I can't take anymore and dip my head down. I look into Peeta's eyes and the intensity he brings to all those things he can do with his hands is still there but clouded with heat.

He kisses me again, this time slowly as if he has all the time in the world and intends to take it.

"I want you," I whisper, hearing desperation in my voice. We stumble, twisting and turning to make our way to my bedroom.

I'm pulling at his clothes in the process of dragging him down onto the bed when he pulls back slightly and smiles at me. He looks handsome with swollen lips and dishevelled hair.

"You look so beautiful and wild," he whispers as his hands entwine with mine again. The backs of my knees are against the bed and he eases me down. He leans over me, kissing me again. He's kissing my mouth and chin and then he's back to my neck. I can barely move because his hands are still entwined in mine. I can feel his erection through his pants, pressing against my thigh.

Finally his hands disentangle from mine and he reaches for my shirt, unbuttoning it slowly from the top, his mouth touching each new bit of exposed skin. My fingers go to his hair and I kiss the top of his head. _I love you. _The thought hits me hard, the emotions fierce. It is the first time I have felt an emotion other than sadness in as long as I can remember.

My shirt finally undone, he places kisses along my waist, at the edge of my pants. He pushes the shirt off my shoulders and his hands run over the soft material of my bra, teasing the covered peaks of my breasts. I gasp and Peeta looks up at my face as if he's surprised I'm still there. He kisses my mouth again as his hands work to unhook my bra. Impatient for his skin to be on mine I reach around and help him and he smiles against my mouth.

Peeta's mouth takes first one and then the other tight peak, suckling against me as my hips press up into his. I can't take much more and pull at his shirt, yanking it up over his head. I have to feel his skin. It's hot to the touch, muscles firm under his warm flesh.

I pull him up to my mouth and we're kissing again. He's working my pants down as I push his down. Once our pants are off I slip my legs around him but instead of slipping inside me he slides back down the length of my body, and starts kissing my hips and then my thighs. My insides are melting.

"Please, Peeta," I beg, grasping his shoulder. And then his tongue is trailing along the inside of my thigh and a sound I never knew I could make escapes me. I'm shaking and weak before I know what's happening. His fingers are brushing the tender flesh at the centre of my body and his tongue quickly follows. My hips and back arch against his mouth and fingers and tension fills my body for a few moments before it breaks apart. I break apart, my eyes closed, a white light flashes behind my eyelids and I'm shaking and straining against him until my fingers are entwined in his hair, begging for him to stop because I can't take anymore.

He slowly pulls his mouth away, gently kissing his way down my wet thighs. I'm shaking and flushed and vaguely embarrassed for myself. But I also feel powerful. Like Peeta released something inside me that I hadn't known was there to be released.

Peeta watches my face as he slides back up my body. I'm breathing heavy and he must see the new look in my eyes because he pauses to look at my face before he kisses me and I taste myself on his lips.

I push him onto his back and straddle him. His erection lies nearly flat against his belly, hard and hot between us. I'm kissing him and his capable hands are touching me everywhere, setting off sparks as they move.

Peeta is a quick study, learning where to touch, how gently or how firm. It doesn't take him long to learn how to manipulate my flesh and leave me quivering from his touch. I want to please him like he pleases me. I reach down and touch him and he exhales, his stomach shakes and I know I'm on the right track. I dip my head down, eager to learn. I run my tongue along his shaft, from base to tip and his hips buck reflexively. I smile and then take the tip into my mouth, sucking gently on it. I don't get very far before he pulls me up.

I look at him shyly, "Did I do it wrong?"

"There's absolutely no way you could do that wrong, but I can't last very long even at the thought of you doing that so I stopped you because I really want to be inside you," he says, somewhat breathlessly.

"Have you thought of me doing that before?" I ask, smiling.

"Honestly? Yes. I think about you and sex with you a lot. Pretty much always have."

I lean in and kiss him again.

"Will you be inside me now?" I ask.

"Yes," he whispers. "Do you want to be on top of me?"

"Not yet," I say, settling onto my back.

He's looking at my face as he settles on top of me. I wrap my legs around his waist and he adjusts himself carefully.

"Do you think it will hurt this time?" I ask as his erection slips into position.

"I really hope not." With that he slides inside of me, a slow and careful motion.

It doesn't hurt like it did the first time with Gale. It's not as pleasurable as his mouth had been but it feels good to have him there, so close and big. His hands slide up and down my thighs as he builds a slow but steady rhythm.

"Your hands feel good," I say as my own reach down to touch his bottom.

"Everything about you feels good," he replies, showering compliments and kisses in equal measure. "You look beautiful." Kiss. "You feel so warm and soft and wet." Kiss. "You taste so good, Katniss." Kiss. "I want to make you feel like you did when my mouth was on you before." Kiss.

With each compliment and kiss the thrust of his hips becomes more demanding and I push my knees farther apart to give him access to every part of me.

He pauses and puts his weight on his elbows, watching me for a few moments as he thrusts into me steadily. It feels good now, better than I would have guessed. Shifting his weight to his left elbow he reaches down between us and finds the tight bundle of nerves at the apex of my legs that he kissed before. His hip thrusts in and out are met with the gentle motion of his thumb between my legs.

I moan loudly, and start to gasp for air.

"Yes," he whispers.

I strain against him, pressing up against both his cock and his hand. He leans down and kisses me but I'm too consumed with pleasure to form a proper kiss. He dips his head down then and kisses my neck as my cries grow louder and his thrusts go deeper. As soon as I convulse under him he removes his hand and thrusts wildly, fucking me with abandon. It causes a second wave and I'm pressing into him, saying an unintelligible string of words—_Peeta, yes, fuck, mmmm_.

And somehow moments later it ends and we're clinging to each other, sticky and warm but reluctant to let go. It takes just as long to let go as it did to get started but at some point he gets up and to get me some water and we end up kissing and holding each other for a long time.

"I love you, Katniss. Always."

It seems I barely remember a time when I haven't needed the boy with the bread. I couldn't survive without him.

* * *

A couple of hours later, me and Peeta are on our way to our clearing to watch the sunset go down. Because if me or Peeta gets reaped I will be able to count on my fingers the number of sunsets I have left with this amazing boy, and I don't want to miss any of them.

As we settle in, he pulls my head down to use his arm as a pillow; the other rests protectively over me. No one has held me like this in such a long time. Since my father died and I stopped trusting my mother, no one else's arms have made me feel this safe.

"So, what do you want to do?" I ask Peeta, gazing up at him lovingly. "I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you" Peeta says, taking my hands into his. In response, I press my lips to his and we kiss with such longing that he grips my curves and I pull the front of his shirt as close to me as I possibly can. "I love you, Katniss." He breaths as he holds me tightly to his body. "I love you too, Peeta." I answer.

After a couple more kisses, we settle back down and I ask Peeta, "How long have you been in love with me?" He watches the sunset as he replies, "Oh, let's see. I guess since the first day of school. We were five. You had on a red plaid dress and your hair... it was in two braids instead of one. My father pointed you out when we were waiting to line up," Peeta says.  
"Your father? Why?" I ask.  
"He said, 'See that little girl? I wanted to marry her mother, but she ran off with a coal miner,'" Peeta says.  
"What? You're making that up!" I exclaim.  
"No, true story," Peeta says. "And I said, 'A coal miner? Why did she want a coal miner if she could've had you?' And he said, 'Because when he sings... even the birds stop to listen.'"  
"That's true. They do. I mean, they did," I say. I'm stunned and surprisingly moved, thinking of the baker telling this to Peeta. It strikes me that my own reluctance to sing, my own dismissal of music might not really be that I think it's a waste of time. It might be because it reminds me too much of my father.  
"So that day, in music assembly, the teacher asked who knew the valley song. Your hand shot right up in the air. She stood you up on a stool and had you sing it for us. And I swear, every bird outside the windows fell silent," Peeta says.  
"Oh, please," I say, laughing.  
"No, it happened. And right when your song ended, I knew—just like your mother—I was a goner," Peeta says. "Then for the next eleven years, I tried to work up the nerve to talk to you."  
"Without success," I add.  
"Without success." Says Peeta. A soft smile has crept on both of our faces as we remember that day that feels like a lifetime ago.

"You have a... remarkable memory," I say haltingly. "I remember everything about you," says Peeta, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "You're the one who wasn't paying attention."  
"I am now," I say and lean in for a kiss. I really don't want to lose my boy with the bread. "Stay with me." I ask Peeta before our lips make contact.

"Always." He replies and closes the remaining gap between us.


	6. Chapter 6 x

**Day of the reaping.**

I awoke to the sound of Prim screaming "No! No!" I quickly got up and made my way over to Prim, trying to calm her down. "Shh, shh It's okay, you were just dreaming. It was just a dream." Prim whimpers into my shirt. "It was me..." When Prim says this, it feels like someone has punched me in the chest. _Oh Prim... _"I know... I know, but it's not. It's your first year Prim, your name's only been in there once, they're not going to pick you. Try to go to sleep.." I tell her, my voice breaking at the end. "I can't" Prim sounds so lost, it makes my heart ache for her. "Just try... Just try" I soothe her. "Can you sing?" Prim whispers in my ear and I nod.

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow, a bed of grass, a soft green pillow. Lay down your head and close your sleepy eyes. And when again they open, the sun will rise."

I whisper to Prim, "You remember that song, ok? You finish it, I gotta go." Prim asks me, "Where?" I smile at her and reply, "I just got to go. But I'll be back. I love you." Just as I am getting ready to leave for hunting, Buttercup, Prim's ugly cat hisses at me. "I'll still cook you." I leave the house and run through District 12 to the fence. As I am just about to shoot a deer, a aircraft flies overhead, leaving me no choice but to run and hide. After hunting, I go to the Hob, where I see a lot of people throwing me sympathetic looks. _Ugh... They could at least not remind me of what happened here with Gale..._ I walk over to Greasy Sae's stall and a rather pretty Mockingjay pin catches my attention. I lift it up and ask Greasy Sae how much she wants for it. "You keep it, it's yours." "Thank You."

When I finally arrive home, I see my mother and Prim are ready to leave. I approach Prim and completely ignore my mother, "Awww, look at you! You look beautiful!  
But you better tuck in that tail little duck." Prim giggles and gives me a small quack. "Quack yourself" I reply with a smile. I go to get changed in my blue reaping dress and as my mother is braiding my hair, Prim says "I wish I looked like you..." I turn around and look at her shocked. "Oh no, I wish I looked like you little duck.  
Hey, you want to see what I got you today? It's a mocking Jay pin, to protect you, and as long as you have it, nothing bad will happen to you. Ok? I promise" I hug Prim tightly because these next few hours are no doubt going to be terrifying for her.

* * *

In the square, I look over at Prim and mouth "You okay?" She replies with a slight nod before Effie Trinket, the district 12 escort, introduces herself. "Welcome, welcome, welcome. Happy hunger games, and may the odds be ever in your favour. Now, before we begin, we have a very special film, brought to you all the way from the Capitol." The film plays and ends before I know it and Effie is making her way to the girls bowl and I'm so desperately hoping that it's not me, that it's not me, that it's not me. And it's not me, It's Primrose Everdeen. The odds had been entirely in her favour. But it hadn't mattered

Before I am aware of what I am doing, I have pushed Prim behind me and am shouting "I Volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!" There is some disturbance on the stage but Effie Trinket quickly composes herself and says "Excellent! A volunteer, come on up dear!" I turn to Prim, "You need to get out of here, go find mom! I'm so sorry" Prim won't let go of my dress and she keeps shouting no until someone drags Prim to my mother and I am left to mount the stage.

Effie Trinket grabs my shoulders and forces me to hurry up. When I am in front of the microphone Effie asks me for my name. "Katniss Everdeen." Effie seems thrilled to have a little action going on in her district but_ to the everlasting credit of the people of District 12, not one person claps. Which means we do not agree. This whole thing is wrong. And then something unexpected happens, a shift has occurred and it seems I have become someone precious. First one then every member of the crowd holds the three middle fingers of their left hand to their lips and holds it out to me. It means goodbye to someone you love. _Now I am truly in danger of crying. Fortunately, Haymitch chooses this moment to stagger onto the stage and throw his arm around me. He is surprisingly strong for such a wreck. "I like her, she's got lots of... spunk! More than you!" Haymitch shouts, pointing at a camera before plummeting off the stage. He is disgusting but while every camera is trained on him, I have enough time to let out the small choked sound in the back of my throat and compose myself.

Effie quickly goes for the boys bowl and I don't have time to wish for Peeta's safety when she is reading out the name. "Jason Allen." I have no idea who that is but a rather attractive looking black haired boy, maybe 15 or 16 makes his way for the stage. Effie tells us to shake hands and we comply before we are escorted into the Justice Building.

* * *

I am ushered into a beautifully grand room where I have 3 minutes to say my goodbyes to each of my visitors. First, my mother and Prim come, then Madge and then Peeta. "I'm fine." I tell Peeta as he pulls me into his strong arms. "Yeah, I know." He replies. "I am."  
**"**Listen to me Katniss, you're stronger than they are. You are. Get to a bow. They just want a good show, that's all they want. If they don't have a bow, then you make one, okay? You know how to hunt." "Animals." I say to Peeta, trying my hardest not to cry, there will only be more camera's at the station and people will make note of my tears then mark me down as a weakling. "There's no difference, Katniss." Peeta tells me. "They're twenty four of us, Peeta, and only one comes out." I whimper. "Yeah, and it's gonna be you." Peeta says with conviction. Then the guard is at the door and I'm clinging to Peeta's hand. "Take care of them Peeta, don't let them starve please!" I beg desperately. "They won't starve, I promise Katniss. Remember, I love you!" He manages to say before the door slams shut.

* * *

Me and Jason are escorted onto a fancy Capitol train where we meet up Haymitch, who will be our mentor and our lifeline in these Games. Haymitch gives me a sympathetic look as he drinks a ugly brown liquid from a clear glass. _I think it's supposed to be liquor... _Then he turns his attention to Jason, "Congratulations." Haymitch says then goes for the food table. He looks in a pot and asks "Where's the ice?" Jason looks bewildered and hesitantly answers "I don't know" causing Haymitch to slam the lid back on the pot while I just watch in amusement with a slight smile on my face.

Jason looks at me like I've gone mad. Then recognition crosses his face and he grins at me. "What?" I ask wary. "Your that girl that beat that guy up, what's his name..? Glade? Gale?... Gale... that has got to be the hottest thing I have ever seen." He carries on grinning and eyeing me up as if I'm a piece of meat. For a young boy, he really is a pervert. "My face is here" I say with a hint of annoyance, pointing at my face. He just shrugs his shoulders and waggles his eyebrows, "I know."

I scoff then turn to Haymitch who is staring daggers at Jason. "Oi, boy. Stop looking at the girl's body and pay attention. Because if you don't, you will be one of the first dead in that arena. Actually, you may not make it to the arena alive if you carry on." _If looks could kill_.

What Haymitch says to Jason seems to have the effect that Haymitch was hoping for. Jason immediately drops his eyes and I shoot a grateful look to Haymitch who just nods at me then continues scowling at Jason, causing him to shift in his seat with discomfort. Jason clears his throat and murmurs an apology to me but I can tell he doesn't really mean it. It doesn't really matter because watching him squirm under Haymitch's intense scowl is enough for me.

After a couple of minutes, Jason gets up and leaves the dining car leaving me and Haymitch alone. I can't help the fit of giggles that erupt from me, _God, his expression was priceless._ and Haymitch looks at me with a pleased expression on his face. "I can't believe you bullied the poor boy." I tried for a serious tone but the smile attached to my face didn't make it very believable. Haymitch grins, "The poor bastard shouldn't have been eyeing you up then should he?" I roll my eyes and look out the window. I see a flock of birds and they remind me of me, except they're free, which is the opposite of what I am. Haymitch starts to get up but I stop him and ask "Your supposed to give me advice, as my mentor?" Haymitch smiles and replies before leaving the room "Stay Alive Sweetheart"


	7. Chapter 7 x

When I wake up, I am momentarily confused._ Where am I? Where's Peeta and Primrose?_ And then reality slaps me in the face and I remember where I am and where I am heading. I am on a Capitol train heading towards the Capitol to be prepped up, shown off to the world and then thrown into an arena with 23 other people to fight to the death. _Oh great! That's just made me feel even better..._ I slowly get out of bed and make my way to the dresser. I pull out a blue camisole and black leggings then take a shower. I really don't know how to work a shower so I end up hopping foot to foot as alternating streams of hot and cold water hit my body. When I am finally finished, I change into my clothes and use some make-up to cover the remaining bruises from Gale's attack last week.

Satisfied with my appearance, I head to the dining car. _I'm starving... _When I get there, I am greeted by the sight of Haymitch, Jason and Effie Trinket. "You'd freeze to death first." Haymitch says. "No, cause I'd have a lot of fire." Jason replies **"**No, that's a good way to get killed." I come up behind Haymitch and ask what's a good way to get killed. "Oh, joy! Why don't you join us? I was just giving some life saving advice." Haymitch explains. "Like what?" I question him."Oh, I was just asking about how to find shelter," Jason mentions. **"**Which would come in handy if in fact you were still alive." Haymitch remarks. "How do you find shelter?" I ask Haymitch "Pass the jam?" I ignore his request and ask again, "How do you find shelter?" **"**Give me a chance to wake up, sweetheart. This mentoring is very taxing stuff." Haymitch pours alcohol into his coffee. **"**Can you pass the marmalade?" In anger, I last out and send a knife into the dining table, just missing Haymitch's fingers."That is mahogany!" Effie Trinket announces. **"**Look at you, you just killed a place mat." Haymitch says as he yanks the knife out the table.

"Do you really want to know how to stay alive?" Haymitch questions me before continuing "You get people to like you." Haymitch sees my expression and carries on talking, "Oh? Not what you were expecting? Well, just so you know sweetheart. A packet of matches or a loaf of bread could save your life and those things only come from sponsors. And to get sponsors, you have to make people like you." I don't say much the rest of the way to the Capitol.

* * *

As soon as the train stops, we are ushered into the training centre which will become our home/prison until the games begin. We are led straight to our prep teams, I have a stylist named Cinna who I will see after my prep team Octavia, Venia and Flavius have addressed some problems. Hours later, I feel like a plucked bird ready for roasting. My prep team have waxed all the hair off my skin leaving it tingling and vulnerable. When I can finally see Cinna, I am in for something of a shock. I expected someone old trying desperately to look young. Someone Grotesque. Cinna has met none of these expectations. The only thing... Capitol... about Cinna has to be a metallic gold eyeliner that has been applied by a light hand. I have to admit, It does look attractive.

"Hello Katniss. I'm Cinna, your stylist. Just give me a minute, alright?" Cinna circles me, studying my naked body for any signs of imperfection, I have a powerful urge to cross my arms over my chest. But I don't. "Your hair, It's lovely. Who did it?" Cinna asks me. "My mother" I reply. "She has very clever fingers... It's in almost perfect balance with your profile" Cinna tells me. "Anyway, tonight we're going to dress you for the tribute parade. Portia and I think that the coal miner thing's very overdone. No one will remember you in that. And we both see it has our job to make District 12 tributes unforgettable," says Cinna. _I'll be naked for sure. _"So rather than focus on the coal mining itself, we're going to focus on the coal,' says Cinna. _Naked and covered in black dust. _"And what do we do with coal? We burn it," says Cinna. "You're not afraid of fire, are you, Katniss?" He sees my expression and grins.

A few hours later, I am dressed in what will either be the most sensational or the deadliest costume in the opening ceremonies. I'm in a simple black unitard that covers me from ankle to neck. Shiny leather boots lace up to my knees. But it's the fluttering cape made of streams of orange, yellow, and red and the matching headpiece that define this costume. Cinna plans to light them on fire just before our chariot rolls into the streets. "It's just a synthetic fire that Portia and I came up with. You'll be perfectly safe." But I'm not convinced I won't be perfectly barbequed by the time we reach the city circle.

Just before we roll out into the streets, Cinna lights our headdresses and capes on fire. "It works!" Cinna says relieved. "Remember heads high. Smiles! They're going to love you." The last thing I think before we enter the city circle is that _Cinna's calm_ and normal _demeanour_ masks a complete madman.

I am frozen in place as soon as we roll into the streets until I catch a glimpse of how breath-taking we look from a giant screen. I put on my most winning smile and wave to the crowd, I even blow a few kisses and a hundred hands try to catch it as if it were a real and tangible thing. Someone throws me a red rose and I catch it before blowing a kiss in the general direction of the giver. As soon as we stop outside the President's mansion, I notice the unfriendly looks thrown my way from the other tributes which only confirms what I am thinking, _I literally outshone them all. _Nobody will forget me. Not my looks. Not my name. Katniss, the girl who was on fire. President snow starts to speak in his snake-like voice, "Welcome! Welcome Tributes! We salute your courage and your sacrifice and we wish you Happy Hunger Games!" The chariots go round the city circle one last time before the doors lock behind us. As soon as we step off our chariot, Cinna, Portia, Effie, Haymitch and the prep teams engulf us and congratulate us on our spectacular performance. We go straight back up to our floor where we have a quick dinner before being sent off to bed as we have an early start tomorrow morning.

But I really don't feel like going to bed yet so when the hallways have emptied, I sneak out of my room and head to the elevator. Cinna said if I ever needed him at night-time to press the star button on the elevator. So I pressed it and in a couple of seconds, found myself walking down a unfamiliar hallway to a room that has Cinna's name on it. I knock softly on the door and I don't have to wait long till Cinna opens the door. I can tell I have surprised Cinna but he ushers me inside and locks the door behind him. "Couldn't sleep?" Cinna asks me, I shake my head. "No, all I can think about is the Games." Cinna looks at me in sympathy and opens his arms for a hug, I step straight into them without hesitation. "Can I stay here tonight, please?" I ask Cinna. "Of course you can. You don't even need to ask." Cinna tightens his arms around me. And I started to feeling butterflies in my stomach at being in such close proximity to such an attractive man.

It was an unusual new sensation to say the least when Cinna began to let his hands wander beyond my waist. His fingers lifted my shirt a little and traced over the bare flesh of my back and sides, making the warmth in my cheeks grow and spread. Then one of his hands climbed upwards, finding its way to one small breast and squeezing it, eliciting a low moan from me.

The whole situation grew stranger and stranger for me as the moments passed. As Cinna's hands wandered over my skin, my body heated in response to his touch.

Then I gasped as the other wandering hand finally decided to pause: sliding between my legs over skin now red, raw, and free of even the smallest hair. I could feel a familiar moistness where his fingers probed at me, this only happened when I was with Peeta. Still Cinna seemed only to be getting started. Within moments my knees verged on giving out from under me as a finger slid its way slowly into me and Cinna's lips stopped their kiss and let his lips travel downwards: along my neck and collarbone to the breast his hands had left untouched.

The mere touch of the tip of his tongue on my breast made me moan again, and this time it was anything but low. But he didn't desist. His lips and tongue and teeth toyed with the tender flesh, nipping red marks onto pale white skin and coaxing more moans out of me. A sudden gasp joined those moans when a second finger wormed its way into me to join its twin, thrusting slowly in and out. I felt another familiar feeling, like something was building within me at Cinna's touch. The build-up increased moment by moment until finally I let out another gasp, one that was only a decibel or two short of a scream. That warm feeling spread through my body, my limbs shuddered and my vision blurred. When I finally came back to myself enough to see what Cinna was doing, I found that I had gently been lowered onto my knees, the warm woolly material of my robe protecting my shins from the cold floor. Then I glanced upwards at Cinna.

The stylist had used my brief incapacitation well. He had now joined me in my state of dress, or rather undress. For a moment I glanced at him appreciatively, wondering if his body was kept at its current level of fitness by effort or by Capitol sciences. Then I glanced further down than his abs and decided it was definitely the latter. _That_ couldn't be natural.

Cinna helped me discard my robe before helping me lay down. My eyelids began to feel heavy and I felt like I was going to fall asleep. Then I felt something probe between my legs. Lips met mine and I suddenly felt wide awake as Cinna sheathed himself into me. Cinna began to thrust, forcing a loud moan out of me.

Time seemed to somehow both drag and race as Cinna kept thrusting. Eventually though I began to shudder, my moans began to escape with more frequency, and finally my toes curled and I moaned long and loud as I felt my first release. Cinna followed soon after, releasing his seed into me with a groan. I now felt extraordinarily tired. Cinna managed to pull himself out of me and then wrap me protectively in his arms before falling asleep. I watched the peaceful look on his face for a while before I too fell into oblivion.


	8. Chapter 8 x

When I awoke in the morning, the first thing I became aware of was that I felt someone's arm around me and a unfamiliar naked body pressed up to mine. I slowly turned around and came face to face with my sleeping stylist, _Oh dear god, What have I done?, _I quickly and quietly manage to get out of Cinna's arms without waking him then I hurry and get changed so I can get back to my floor without anyone knowing I have gone. _Wait.. What time is it?_ I quickly check my watch, _10:12am, Damn it! I was supposed to be meeting up with Haymitch 2 hours ago! He is going to go ballistic..._

Haymitch is no doubt tearing the place down looking for me so I better go and see if my presence can calm him down. I make my way to the elevator and as I am ascending I can hear Haymitch from here shouting. I think it's possible that I am more scared of my mentor than my opponents. He can't find about Cinna, he'll either laugh or be ashamed at me and I really can't stand either of those options right now.

I have to think fast as the elevator doors open, I can see Haymitch pacing drunkenly up and down the hall. I wipe the tears as I step down the hallway with purpose. Haymitch's eyes flash from worried terror, to relief, to anger as if he is only allowed one emotion per heartbeat.

"I thought you were dead. Spit out where you were, before I kill you." Haymitch growls through his teeth. He is breathing hard and shaking in his anger.

That is it. I can't take any more. I dash into my room. I quickly try to close the door but it is shoved back with force and it came in contact with my nose before I am sent backwards. I land hard and hurt my bottom, just as the sting of my nose begins throbbing. I sit on the floor holding my face and sobbing so hard it makes no sound. I could hear Haymitch yelling at me but the words were simply noise adding to my emotional meltdown.

He yanks me upward by the wrists screaming for me to look at him when he talks to me and then he sees the blood and tears and mean Haymitch melts away. "Ok sweetheart, come here. I'm sorry." I flinch away from him as he tries to help me up and from his facial expression it's as if I've shot him. "Sweetheart... I'm so sorry. Please, let me help you." Haymitch pleads and offers me his hand. I take it hesitantly and he pulls me up gently.

He kindly checks my nose and cleans me up. I sits up on the bathroom counter, back to the mirror while he sees to my injury. "I am sorry about the door. Cinna will murder me in about eight hours you know. Feel like filling me in on where you took off to? I went up on the roof."

He fixes a bag of ice and rests it on my swelling nose. I sigh and start crying again. "I did something really stupid and reckless Haymitch." I spend the next ten minutes explaining. My words filtered through the bag of ice.

Haymitch stands with his arms crossed, amusement on his face replaced with disbelief. "Do tell sweetheart, would you jump into my bed if I gave you the opportunity?"

I glare at him then pull the bag away defiantly. "Of course, It's the only time you stop being a dick"

"You are such a pain in my ass." He says in mock-annoyance.

"Repulsive old fool." I move suddenly laughing. "Haymitch? What's that?"

He looks down at the huge bulge in his pants. He leans into me. "A lot more than you can handle, sweetheart."

Impulsively I kiss him. He didn't pull away, but claimed my mouth deeply and playfully. He lifts me to him and holds me like a doll while kissing me, truly lighting passion in me. I wrap my legs around him and cling to Haymitch as if I will never let him go. He walks into the bedroom and lays me on the bed, clinging to my lips.

I reach out and touch his face then move my fingers to his chest, twining my hands in his blonde hair. His heart beats so hard; I can feel it as my face rests on his shoulder. I move my head slightly, touching his skin with my lips. My tongue slides between my lips, tasting his flesh, suckling the salty bitter sheen his fear has left behind. I can't help doing this; it isn't something I have ever done. But something in his scent is delicious to me and I begin moving my head, greedy for the tang of him.

My hands roam lower and his eyes close as a shaky sigh escapes him. He still bears the scars across his abdomen from when he'd been in the games. I saw the games and how he'd been holding his guts in at the end, but the massive puckering scars made his agony real. I trace them with my finger. I was not even alive when that happened, yet the torment is as vivid as if I were with him. One of his hands leaves the comforting gentle hold he has embraced me in and he begins touching me in a different way. I shudder under his fingers and his head bends to my chest and his lips brush my naked skin first with a reverence, then gradually with more deliberate hunger.

His hands roamed and I held my breath unable to move a muscle as his hands moved at the pace of moss up my leg and didn't stop as it slipped under my shirt. We help each other undress, our hands roaming over every bit of exposed skin making my breath lurch in and out in quick tiny silent huffs. He didn't blink as he slipped a fingertip inside me. "You're wet." He whispers and I am disappointed when he smirks and stops. He brings his finger to his nose and inhales, and then licks my slickness from his middle finger like I am a morsel. I think he wants to shock me. I am shocked, but I keep my face neutral as I finally let go of the breath I had held that whole time. His eyes are full of lust as he gazes at me. "Push me away while you can, or live with what I can't fight another moment." He glowers at me as I try to understand what he's saying. "I want you" I reply. As soon as I meet his eyes he is on me.

His hands are like iron, shackling me and pulling me into his body. His face is a mask of barely restrained evil. He's quivering in his need and he kisses me hard as if there is no longer choice in him. His body crushes me to him and the demand of him is painful against me. My own breathing comes in gulps. A groan escapes me.

That sound seems to move him to final action. He lifts me to him, removes the final barrier between our skin and follows me down onto the bed demanding me with something near anger. My own need fills me with no ability to think beyond this desire to see his face as he and I find a place that has no thought to the pain of life. He pulls away again and looking in my eyes, pleading with me to say no, he whispers. "Last chance Katniss. It's not a game, sweetheart. I won't be able to stop. I want you more than life right now. Say no if you are not sure. I am at my point of no return. One more wiggle and I will take you."

I look in his eyes, embarrassed to look at him naked but determined to make him loose control. I touch the part of him most willing to show his need of me. A delicious moan escapes him, and I feel bold wanting to make him repeat that sound. Heat throbs as my fingers wrap around and circle the sensitive flesh. He returns my touch and opens my own desire to a new kind of greed. His head bends to me and his mouth and tongue gives me delightful thrill. I call his name as he finally sinks into me with a shuddering gasp. He looks in my eyes waiting for my reaction and he seems strangely bewildered.

At first his attention is pure hunger and demand. He is skilled and forceful. I meet his need with my own, clinging to life in the pleasure of his arms. I don't care what others want of me or who I am hurting. This is my need screaming for help and finding it in a place I would never have expected. I lost control of the sounds that I made at his skill, but the greatest pleasure for me was to see his face as he cried my name unable to control the joy he'd found in me.

I had never imagined his face so beautiful, but for that moment, the years of sorrow were wiped away. Who he could have been, could be seen. I was instantly addicted to causing that face.

That face told me he was not here out of hidden obligation. I had given him joy. I shivered in terror as the truth slammed into my heart. I am in love with Haymitch Abernathy. This is not comfort alone for me. I am truly, lost for all time. For once in my life, I don't wonder about how I feel. It is absolutely mercilessly true.

The afternoon passes in this way, each return of desire more languid and prolonged than the last. The gulf of our experience is evident in the way he guides me to passions I had never even imagined. Haymitch in ardour doesn't resemble himself. Gone are his sorrows and his sarcasms. He is a confident patient teacher and full of kindness.

I don't say anything to him as we lay peacefully afterwards. I am too wrapped up in the way hope feels as it washes my soul. I am savouring a new word in my life. Happy. Late in the night I drift away into blissful exhaustion, sleeping deeper than I had since before my daddy had died. Haymitch's arms are all I ever needed.


	9. Chapter 9 x

I am woken in the morning by a sudden overwhelming amount of nausea. I only just make it to the bathroom in time to empty the contents of my stomach. When I am finished throwing up and I have washed my mouth out, I slowly drag myself back to bed feeling completely exhausted. Haymitch had woken up when I ran from the bed into the bathroom and is looking at me in a 'concerned mentor' way. "Are you okay, sweetheart? He asks me. I turn to him and smile, "Yeah, I'm fine Haymitch" I reply. Haymitch is not convinced but he doesn't say anything else, he just wraps his arms around me as we both fall asleep for a couple more hours.

* * *

When I wake a second time, Haymitch has gone. I get up and get changed to go and look for him. _He's probably in the dining room with a glass of liquor... _I make it to the dining room and see Cinna, Portia, Jason and Haymitch sitting at the dining table. I hesitate before I go in, _I need to apologise to Cinna about my actions the other night._ I make my way straight over to the food table, pile up my plate and then sit between Haymitch and Jason. "Morning Sweetheart" Haymitch tells me but I can see he is more focused on his glass of liquor. "Morning." I tiredly reply. I look up to see Cinna's eyes trained on me and he raises his eyebrows, a question, _What's wrong? _I just shrug in return.

Cinna reminds me and Jason about the Private training session, but I really don't want to go, all I want to do is curl up in bed with a nice cup of tea and forget about the Hunger Games entirely. But I can't. I can feel someone's eyes staring at me and when I look up, Jason is watching me with a puzzled expression on his face. "Katniss? Are you okay?" He asks me in concern which causes Haymitch and Cinna to turn and look at me too. "You look really pale." Cinna observes. "I'm fine" I brush there concern away, I hate drama so I try not to complain about stuff like pain or illness too much. "Sweetheart, you should see a doctor." Haymitch tells me. "Haymitch, I'm fine really." I insist. "I wasn't asking Katniss." Haymitch gives me the 'obey your mentor look.' I scowl at him. "Ugh fine!" I throw my hands up in exasperation.

As Haymitch leads me to the medical ward, I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me. _What symptoms have I had? Umm.. Nausea, exhaustion and pale cheeks. I probably just have the flu and Haymitch is going mad. _When we eventually reach the medical ward, I am escorted to a white room while Haymitch waits outside for me to finish. The doctor whose name is Dr. Redwood asks me for symptoms, so I tell her "Nausea, Pale cheeks and exhaustion." Dr Redwood nods and writes what I am saying on a clipboard. "Well Miss Everdeen, I can tell from the symptoms already that you could have Anemia, Heat exhaustion, Food poisoning or your pregnant. I have already ruled out the illnesses you do not have which are Heat exhaustion and food poisoning so you could either have Anemia or your Pregnant. Miss Everdeen I am going to have to take a blood sample to see if you have Anemia, May I?" I nod yes and wait for the results.

"Miss Everdeen, I have the results. It appears you do not have Anemia so you must be pregnant." I can literally feel the blood drain out of my face. _A baby... _"You said you have sickness correct?" I nod. "Well morning sickness usually starts around 4-6 weeks so I'm guessing you are within that time range." _Gale's baby... Oh my god. I am going in to the arena pregnant._

When I meet up with Haymitch again, he reminds me about the private training session and says I should go and he'll wait for me. So we make our way to the training centre and I am allowed to go straight in. When I enter, I know I'm in trouble. The gamemakers have sat through 23 other demonstrations, have had too much wine probably but I carry on walking straight to the bow and arrows. Even pulling on the bowstring is wrong as it is tighter than the one I use at home and I miss the dummy by a few centimetres, losing the remaining concentration I had left. I try again and this time I manage to hit the heart of the dummy and I actually feel quite proud of myself, I turn to the gamemakers who are more interested in a roast pig. Suddenly I am furious, that with my life on the line, they don't even have the decency to pay attention to me. That I'm being upstaged by a dead pig. Before I am even aware of what I am doing, I have a arrow flying towards the gamemakers table, skewering the apple out of the stupid roast pigs mouth. The gamemakers stare at me in disbelief but I just scowl at them, bow and say "Thank you for your consideration." Before walking out of the room.

I find Haymitch leaning on the wall outside and once he sees me, we walk in the direction of the elevator. On the way back to our floor, Haymitch keeps shooting me glances, he can tell I know what's wrong but I won't tell him. At least not until we get back to our floor. As soon as the elevator doors close behind us, Haymitch starts questioning me. "Katniss. What is wrong?" _Well here goes nothing... _"Haymitch... I'm pregnant." I say watching the news sink in. "Your...pregnant?" He asks, I'm guessing he just wants me to confirm he isn't hallucinating. "Yes. I'm pregnant. I'm going into the arena pregnant. And there is nothing I can do about it" Haymitch looks like a fish, with his mouth opening and closing, finally he asks me the question I have been dreading the most. "Who is the father?" I answer him weakly, "Gale is." Haymitch just nods in understanding.

When the elevator doors open, my prep team engulfs me. I forgot they were coming over to get me ready for the Interview with Caesar. I let them do what they want with me, I don't even pay attention as I try to get my head around the fact that I am carrying a child. A unborn child who is going into the arena with it's mother. A unborn child that will probably never breathe, see or smell what this cruel world has to offer. A pang of grief for this child I have never met chokes me but I quickly compose myself before the prep team become aware that something is very wrong. "There, she's done. You look so beautiful Katniss!" Octavia squeals. Cinna smiles. I turn to look at the full length mirror and I see a creature from another world who makes clothes out of jewels because my dress is implanted with beautiful blue, yellow and orange jewels. I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun. "Oh Cinna, Thank you." I whisper. "Twirl for me" Cinna commands. I comply without question and the Prep team screams in admiration.

As Cinna is about to leave for his seat in the crowd, I stop him. I'm overcome with stage fright. "Just be yourself. They already love you... I'm not aloud to bet, but if I could, I'd bet on you." He whispers in my ear soothingly before laying a soft kiss on my temple and leaving me alone in the room. I watch all the other tributes and only a few stick out in my head. The ruthless killing machine from District 2. A fox-faced girl from District 5. And most hauntingly, A 12 year old girl from District 11 called Rue. Before I know it, they are calling 'Katniss Everdeen' and I feel myself as if in a dream make my way centre stage, shakes Caesars hand (he has the good grace not to immediately wipe his off on his suit.) and sit down. "So, Katniss. The Capitol has got to be quite a change from District 12. What's the thing that's impressed you the most since you arrived here?" _What? What did he say? It's as if the words don't make sense. _I desperately lock eyes with Cinna and imagine the words coming from his mouth, "The Lamb stew." I manage to get out. Caesar and most the audience are laughing but I don't get what's funny. "Oh, the one with the dried plums? I eat it by the bucketful!" Caesar turns sideways to the audience in horror, "It doesn't show, does it?" They shout reassurance to him.

Caesar smiles at me "When you came out in the chariots at the opening ceremonies, my heart actually stopped. Were the flames real, may I ask?" Caesar asks me, genuinely interested. "Yes, In fact I'm wearing them today. Would you like to see?" I ask and the audience cheers in agreement so I stand up and start twirling. Everyone watching me screams in delight. I have to eventually stop because I'm dizzy. "Don't stop!" Caesar says, "I have to I'm dizzy!" I reply, giggling which I think I have maybe done never in my lifetime. Caesar wraps a protective arm around me, "Don't worry, I've got you. Don't want you following in your mentors footsteps." Caesar jokes and then everyone hooting at Haymitch who good-naturedly waves the camera back to me.

"Anyway, they're is a topic most of the Capitol population is wondering about, it's about your sister. We all were very moved when you volunteered for her at the reaping. Can you tell us about her?" Caesar gently asks me patting my hand. "Her name's Prim and she means the world to me." I say. "Did she come say goodbye to you?" I nod. "What did you tell her in the end?" Caesar questions me. "I told her that I would try to win. That I would try to win for her." I explain and the audience seems to be hanging onto my every word, you might have been able to hear a pin drop. "Of course you did. And try you will." Caesar tells me before kissing my hand, helping me up and then saying "Lets give a round of applause for Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire!" The applause and cheering doesn't lift my mood or anything, it actually reminds me of why I am here. Not to eat luxuries and relax but to die a bloody death while the crowd urges on my killer.

* * *

When I get back to the dining hall on our floor, we have a small dinner where we announce what we did before the gamemakers. "You shot a arrow at the gamemakers?" Effie squeals, horrified. But Haymitch just looks proud of me and says "Nice shooting sweetheart." which causes me to smile. We watch the televised scores and I get the highest of the 24 with an impressive 11.

When everything is finished, I have to say goodbye to Effie and Haymitch as only Cinna will be accompanying me to the arena. Haymitch practically lunges at me. My arms wrap around him and I close my eyes, so far from any emotion, I don't even fight tears. "I'll hate your guts forevermore," I whisper just in his ear.

"Me too, sweetheart. It will be fine." His lips have barely said the words before they enclose mine, hungry and soul devouring.

"See you in a while," I assure him simply. He startles me as he drags me back against him.

"Don't. Fuck. With. Me. Sweetheart." His eyes search my face and narrow as his head dips slightly and he then releases me.

I take a breath and look him square in the eyes with an odd little shrug. "So you finally realized the charcoaled one has no hope of fitting? That's a shame, Hay. I would have at least tried."

He tries to look at me with his mean mentor face but his features lose the iron will and contort into mirth. He throws his head back and laughs as if I have trampled his last bottle of liquor and offered him a glass of milk to make up for it. "Nice try, but I kept my end of the bargain and you will beg to keep yours. Sweetheart." The lust in his eyes and the promise of pleasure is unmistakable.

I make a noise in the back of my throat denying his claim. "Will a capitol curtsy do or are you expecting me all the way down on my knees?" I am relishing this flirty exchange.

"You'll be kissing my feet as you offer yourself to me, my love."

His statement sends a tingle down my spine. Battle. My head dips and my eyes dart up to him through my lashes, as I murmur, "Don't bet on it. Sweetheart."

His eyes dance with promises and surety but deeper I catch a glimmer of challenge. I put my palm up against his cheek, a gesture of love, but for me I am just hoping it isn't goodbye.

Someone clears his throat, clearly annoyed. "You done creeping everyone out? Thought this little picnic of yours was on a schedule?" Jason says darkly.

I turn and walk away without saying more. I hear him address me just as I step through my bedroom door. "Sweetheart..." I turn and look at him. "Any last words of advice?" I ask Haymitch. "Stay Alive" He tells me, I nod and shut my bedroom door behind me.


	10. Chapter 10 x

This is the day I have been dreading all week. The day I am thrown into the arena to kill or be killed. I am currently on a train trying to eat and drink as much as I can hold because who knows the next time I might be able too? I am on my way too a place in the Capitol called the Launch Room but in the districts, it's referred to as the Stockyard. The place animals go before slaughter. Nervousness seeps into terror as I anticipate what is to come. I could be dead, flat-out dead, in an hour. "Do you want to talk?" Cinna asks me but I just shake my head... after a moment I hold out my hand to him. Cinna encloses it in both of his.

When we arrive, Cinna and me are ushered into a empty room with a clear tube in the corner. As Cinna is helping me dress in the outfit laid out for me, I cannot control my shaking. Cinna notices and pulls me into a tight hug, I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in the crook of his neck. "Remember this. I'm not allowed to bet, but if I could my money would be on you." Cinna tells me, trying to calm me. _20 seconds. _"Good luck, my Girl on fire." Cinna kisses my forehead and lets me go. I hesitantly stepped into the tube and watched myself ascend. I hear the legendary announcer Claudius Templesmith say "Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin!"

60 seconds. That's all I have to assess my surroundings. I see the Cornucopia in front of me and everywhere I look trees except for behind the cornucopia which is just a cliff. My vision sets on a magnificent bow and arrows but I know by the time I reach it, others will have reached the Cornucopia too, so it really would be like walking straight into a ambush. I carry on looking and spot an orange backpack, a loaf of bread and a piece of plastic. They are only 10 metres from where I am standing, I could easily grab them and sprint to the safety of the woods. _10 seconds. _There's no time to think about another plan, I have to get something because the thought of leaving with nothing is unbearable. _GONG!_ I sprint for the items I want but the boy from District 8 gets there at the same time as me and we grabble for it. Until his blood splatters my face and he drops to the ground. Dead. About 20-25 meters away stands Clove. I've seen her shoot, she never misses and I'm her next target. Fear shoots through my veins and I quickly sprint for the woods, luckily I hear the knife coming my way and I manage to block it with my backpack. _Thanks for the knife. _The blade lodged into the bag when I blocked her attack, I'm definitely not complaining because it's a weapon which can be extremely useful. Over the next couple of hours, I alternate between jogging and walking until I hear the cannons start to blast. The fighting must have finally stopped at the Cornucopia. I hear eleven blasts. Eleven dead in all, Thirteen left to play.

I decide to check what is in my orange backpack before it gets too dark. Inside the bag I find a thin black sleeping bag that reflects body heat, a pack of crackers, a pack of dried beef strips, a bottle of iodine, a box of wooden matches, a small coil of wire, a pair of night-vision glasses, and a half-gallon plastic bottle with a cap for carrying water that's bone dry. No water. I continue until nightfall, I manage to climb a tree and tie the rope around me so if I turn in my sleep I wont plummet straight to the ground. The last thing I think is it's lucky I don't snore

_SNAP! SNAP! _What's going on? That doesn't sound like a branch breaking under someone's foot but branches being snapped off of a tree. _SNAP! SNAP! _I slowly turn on my side so I can see what is going on. There is a bit of shuffling, then a fire blooms and a pair of hands start to warm themselves over the fire. I want to scream at the fire starter, because making a fire at nightfall is obviously the worst thing to do as the smoke and light with give away your location. And here I am a stone's throw from the biggest idiot in the games. Strapped in a tree. Not daring to flee since my general location has just been broadcast to any killer that cares. In the morning, It will be easy to take out my new neighbour. My instincts so far have been to flee, not fight. But obviously this person's a hazard. Stupid people are dangerous.

And then I hear it, loud footsteps not even trying to conceal their whereabouts. It seems that the fire starter has dozed off because she doesn't even react until they are upon her. I know now that it was a girl by the terrified scream that crossed her lips. As soon as the careers have left and the body is taken by the hovercraft, I get out of my tree and run in the opposite direction of the Careers. I walk throughout the entire day and I'm dehydrating fast. I plan to go until nightfall but I am getting desperate, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that Prim's anxious face is watching me, making sure I'm okay. I try not to look too desperate for her sake. But by late afternoon, I am exhausted and stumbling over my own feet, I repeatedly fall and get back up but when I fall down this time, I am unable to move. _This is an OK place to die. I love mud. Mud. Mud. Mud! It's Mud and those are pond lilies! _I crawl now through the mud and it's all I can do not to plunge my face into the water, I add water to my bottle and then what I remember to be the right amount of drops of Iodine to purify it.

Over the next couple of hours, I rehydrate my body and even indulge in a couple of crackers. When I climb a tree for the night, I feel remarkably better. I hold onto my water bottle for dear life as I sleep. But roughly 6-7 hours later I am woken by the stampede of feet, I look up to find the source and it would be hard to miss the wall of fire descending on me. I scramble from the tree and flee. This is no tribute's campfire gone out of control but the work of a Gamemaker. Somewhere, in a cool, spotless room, a Gamemaker sits at a set of controls, fingers on the triggers that could end my life in a second. There is no time to judge if a move is the correct one. When there's a hiss, I act or die.

As I dodge and leap away from the fire and fireballs that rain down on me, I can't help but think that this attack was brought on by my fiery debut. But all in all, maybe showing up stark naked in that chariot would have been safer for me. I know Cinna could not have foreseen this, he may even be hurting for me but I don't blame him. When I arrive at a place full of oversized rocks, I think the attack has finally ended. _The Gamemakers don't want me dead. Not yet anyway._ But then out of nowhere, a hissing registers, my muscles react only not fast enough as the fireball skids across my calf. I scream out in pain and without thinking, rip off the burning trouser leg with my bare hands. Now I am definitely certain that I am holding the camera across Panem. I try my hardest to stay calm as I look at the angry red blisters on my hands, I don't dare look at my leg. So I look at my surroundings, the first thing I notice is the Stream, I should go and put my hands under the water because I remember my mother saying something like the first treatment for burns is cold water or something along those lines. I don't want people to see me as weak because Pity does not get you aid. Admiration at your refusal to give in does**.**

I really don't like the fact that I'm in the open and wounded like this but I can't stand leaving the pool for more than a few seconds. _Oh it doesn't matter, If the careers want me, let them find me. _And find me, they do. It's lucky I'm ready to move because I only have a couple of minutes head start as I can tell my enemies are not as speedy as they were before, I can tell by there hoarse voices and coughs. I manage to climb a tree which is incredibly painful because it requires direct contact of my hands on the tree bark, before they are even at the bottom of my tree. We all look at each other for a minute, they're evil faces smiling at the sure kill above them. But when they try to reach me, they find out they can't climb the tree and they're not very good with the bow and arrows either. As I settle in for the night in my tree with the careers below me, I catch sight of some eyes staring at me, those eyes are familiar, Rue. For a while we hold each others gaze. Then, without even rustling a leaf, her little hand slides into the open and points to something above my head. I look where she is pointing and at first I don't know what it is then I understand it's a wasp's nest. But this is the Hunger Games and ordinary isn't the norm.

They're probably tracker-jackers. They seem more likely to be in this hellhole than normal wasps. I realise what Rue wants me to do. When the sun goes down and the anthem starts to play, I get up and start to cut off the branch that is connected to the Tracker-jackers nest which sends the whole thing down right onto the careers who are sleeping below. It's chaos below as the careers have woken to a full-scale tracker-jacker attack, only a couple have managed to identify me. I manage to get the bows and arrows from glimmers bloated body before I fall unconscious from the Tracker-jacker venom.

* * *

When I wake up, I wait for the next onslaught of imagery but I accept that the poison has finally worked it's way out of my system. I slowly get up, I can tell that I've been unconscious for at least a whole day, maybe two from the stiffness in my limbs. As I stretch, I become aware of the green leaves on my arm and neck, I slowly peel them off until I hear a rustling in the trees. I aim my bow at the source of the noise and that's when I see the child's boot sticking out the side of the tree. I grin and the words have already left my mouth before I can stop myself, "You know there not the only ones who can make alliances." At first, no response and then Rue peeks out from behind the tree. "You want me as a ally?" Rue questions me, hesitantly. "Sure. Are you hungry? Now that I have got a bow and arrows I can go hunting to get us some food." I can tell Rue is contemplating my words so I give her time to think about it. "I'm going to go Hunting, If you want to become allies you could look for some berries and meet me back here in let's say 15 minutes?" I ask and Rue nods before walking away to go and look for berries. I manage to shoot a bird that I'm not familiar with and a rabbit.

I meet up with Rue and we both enjoy a cooked meal and Rue tells me the unfamiliar bird is something called a Groosling in her District. "Oh, I've never had a whole leg to myself before." Rue tells me which shocks me, with Rue being from District 11, Agriculture, I would think she had more to eat than us. "Really? I thought you would have more to eat than us as you actually grow the crops." I say and Rue looks at me, "Oh no, Your not allowed to eat the crops. They'll whip you if you get caught." I can tell from Rue's face that whipping is a common occurrence. I decide to change the subject. "How long was I asleep?" I ask Rue. "Couple of days, I changed your leaves twice. The boy from 10 and the girl from 1 are both dead." Rue replies. I nod.

"So where are Cato and the others?" I question Rue. "They got all their supplies down by the lake, piled up in this great big pyramid. Just out in the open. I bet they wouldn't last long without it." Rue tells me. I think about her wording, _They wouldn't last long without it. _"Say the supplies were gone. How long would they last?" I say. "I mean, it's the Hunger Games, right?" And for the first time, I have a plan. A plan that isn't motivated by the need for flight and evasion. An offensive plan. I spend the next couple of minutes telling Rue my plan about blowing up the supplies and she agrees it is a good plan. As I am saying goodbye to Rue, she unexpectantly throws her arms around me for a hug. "Be careful out there" She tells me and I promise I will.

Along the way to the lake, I can't help but think about Rue. About Rue dying. About Rue not dying and us being the last two alive. I brush these thoughts away and carry on walking. When I reach the Lake I can see what Rue meant about the pyramid, It's a questionable distance away from the Careers camp. _Something's not right about that whole set up. _I see Rue's first campfire in the distance and the Careers arm themselves before making there way to the source of the smoke. I figure out that the ground is mined after I see Foxface doing a little hop to and from the pile of supplies. So I shoot an arrow at one of the sack of supplies, releasing the items which fall to the ground and set off all the booby traps. The explosion knocks me down onto the ground, hard. I look at the blown up supplies in satisfaction, _Let the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin, Cato. Let them begin for real. _After blowing up the Career Tributes' stockpile, I go looking for Rue and I find her in a trap, as I help her to get free one of the boy tributes throws a spear which hits Rue in the chest, I quickly kill the boy tribute with an arrow and try to comfort the dying Rue in my arms. "It's okay. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay." I mutter more for my sake than Rue's. "You have to win." Rue whispers to me. I look at the dead boy from District 1 before turning my attention back to Rue. "Can you sing?" Rue asks me, but I hardly catch the word. _Sing? Sing what? _And then a song comes to me, It's the song I sang to Prim the day of the reaping. A simple lullaby that we sing fretful, hungry babies to sleep with in District 12. The words are easy and soothing, promising tomorrow will be more hopeful than this awful piece of time we call today.

Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you.

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray  
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.

Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you.

Everything's still and quiet. Then, almost eerily, the Mockingjay's take up my song. I can't bring myself to leave her like this. Past harm, but seeming utterly defenceless. I want to do something, right here, right now, to shame them, to make them accountable, to show the Capitol that whatever they do or force us to do there is a part of every tribute they can't own. That Rue was more than a piece in their Games. And so am I. After Rue dies I cover her body with flowers and give a special salute to District 11, which is Rue's district before walking away feeling empty. As I am walking, I receive a silver parachute which I open and find a loaf of bread from District 11. This is definitely a first, a District gift to someone who isn't your own. "My thanks to the people of District 11." Something happened when I watched Rue die, I told Rue I'd win for the both of us. And somehow that seems even more important than the vow I gave Prim, now I'm determined to avenge her, to make her loss unforgettable and I can only do that by winning and thereby making myself unforgettable. I climb dangerously high into a tree, not for safety but to get as far away from today as I can and fall asleep.


	11. Chapter 11 x

I am woken by the sound of the trumpets sounding, Claudius Templesmith is inviting us to a feast. I really am not very hungry but this could be a good chance to take out a few people. I pack up my backpack and start to make my way to the Cornucopia. When I arrive, I stay in the safety of the trees and arm my bow so whoever comes in my line of vision will die. At first, nothing happens and then a table comes out of the ground holding a loaf of bread. I see Foxface and try to shoot her but my accuracy isn't very good from here so I'm going to have to get closer. Foxface, manages to get back into the safety of the trees but she couldn't get the bread. As I am aiming my bow again I feel someone crash into me, I try to wrestle the person off of me but they pin my arms on the ground and sit on my chest. Clove. "Katniss. It's too bad that you couldn't help your little friend. That little girl, what was her name again? Rue? Yeah, well we killed her. And now, we're gonna kill you." I won t close my eyes As my last act of defiance, I will stare her down as long as I can see I will not cry out, I will die, in my own small way, undefeated because the comment about Rue has filled me with so much fury. Just when Clove is about to cut me, a great force yanks her off of me. Thresh. I have never heard Thresh say anything above a mutter, so when he shouts it makes me jump.

"You kill her?" Thresh shouts at Clove. "No!" Clove screams Cato's name when Thresh slams her into a tree repeatedly until she dies. I watch in shock and horror at the scene that is unfolding before my eyes. Thresh turns to me, "Just this one time, I let you go. For the little girl. You and me, we re even then. No more owed. You understand?." I do understand, about owing someone. We hear Cato's voice calling for Clove. "You better run now, Fire girl." Thresh tells me, I nod at him before running in a completely different direction away from Cato's shouting.

A few hours later, I hear the Trumpets start to sound again. And then Claudius Templesmith's voice sounds out throughout the arena. "Attention tributes. Attention. The regulations acquiring a single victor has been suspended. From now on, two victors may be crowned if both originate from the same district. This will be the only announcement." I don't know why two victors can win but I'm not complaining. I start to look for Jason and eventually I find him hiding out in a cave. And I tell him everything that has happened and I suggest we go hunting as we're starving. As me and Jason are walking through the river to hide our footprints, Jason breaks the silence. "We know Thresh took off. Cato's gonna be by the Cornucopia, he's not gonna go some place he doesn't know. Fox Face, she could be anywhere." I nod, taking in this information. "We should probably hunt around here. We don't have any food left." I say. "Okay. Uh...I'll take the bow" I look at him in shock. "I'm just kidding. I'll locate some stuff." I smile at him as he walks away. As I am hunting, I hear a cannon go off and frantically look for Jason, as I call out to him, Jason suddenly runs into me, asking if I am okay. "I heard the cannon!" I see the poisonous berries in his hand. "That's nightlock, Jason!" I knock the berries out of his hand. "You'd be dead in a minute!" I carry on shouting at him. "I didn't know" Jason says. "You scared me to death. Damn you!" I whimper and start crying and hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Jason apologises.

We find Fox Face dead after eating the nightlock berries that Jason had collected. "I never even knew she was following me." Jason whispers. "She's clever" I sigh. "Too clever." I take the remaining nightlock berries from Jason and tuck them into a small pouch, Jason looks at me in confusion. "Maybe Cato likes berries too." is all I say. As we walk through the jungle it starts to get dark. "Why is it getting so dark already?" I ask Jason who shrugs and says, "They may be in a hurry to end it."

After Cato kills Thresh, to make the finale exciting, ferocious dogs are placed in the arena, this forces me, Jason and Cato to run towards the Cornucopia, but Cato grabs Jason in a headlock and I poise my arrow ready to shoot. "Go on, shoot. And we'd both go down and you win." Cato shouts at me causing me to hesitate. "Go on. I'm dead anyway! I always was, right? I didn't know that until now. Isn't that what they want, huh?" Cato says to the sky. I hold my bow tighter getting ready to shoot but Cato tightens his grip on Jason. "No! I can still do this. I can still do this. One more kill. It's the only thing I know how to do. Bring pride to my district. Not that it matters." Cato hisses. At that moment Jason mouths at me to shoot and he springs out of Cato's grasp, Cato falls off the Cornucopia and the dogs start to devour him, in an act of mercy I shoot Cato, killing him instantly.

Me and Jason hug and the arena is turned to day again, we wait for confirmation and an announcement is made again. "Attention. Attention, tributes. There's been a slight rule change. The previous revision allowing two victors from the same district has been revoked. Only one victor may be crowned. Good luck. And may the odds be ever in your favour." Me and Jason look at each other. "Go ahead. One of us should go home. One of has to die, they have to have their victor." Jason tells me, I stare at him in disbelief. "No" I say. "They don't." I pull out the nightlock berries and Jason looks at me in understanding. I pour some berries into his hand. "Together?" Jason asks me. "Together." I confirm. Just as the berries pass our lips, the voice of the announcer stops us. "Stop! Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the winners of the 74th annual Hunger Games. Katniss Everdeen and Jason Allen." We stare at each other again before I fall into his arms for a hug. Jason holds me tightly. "I don't know why you saved me, but thank you Katniss." Jason whispers in my ear.

When we arrive back at the Capitol, Haymitch grabs my arm and leads me to the roof. "They're not happy with you." Haymitch tells me with worry in his eyes. "Why because I didn't die" I reply with no emotion in my voice. "Because you showed them up." Haymitch corrects me."Well, I'm sorry it didn't go the way they planned. You know, I'm not very happy with them either." I scowl at him. " Katniss, this is serious. Not just for you. They don't take these things lightly." Haymitch hisses at me. "You could be killed and I don't want to lose you, sweetheart." Haymitch whispers the last few words. I look at him in pity. "You won't" I say and throw my arms around his neck, Haymitch buries his face in the crook of my neck and holds me tightly. When I left the arena I was supposed to be safe but it seems that the most dangerous part of The Hunger Games is about to begin, all because of those stupid berries.

* * *

**Post-games Interview.**

"How did you feel when you found him by that river?" Caesar questions me. "I felt like the happiest person in the world. I couldn't imagine life without him. He's my best friend. And I love him like a little brother." I smile at Jason who is rolling his eyes at me but he has a smile on his face too. I giggle at his expression. "What about you, Jason?" Caesars asks him. "She saved my life." Jason tells Caesar but I interrupt. "We saved each other." The audience lets out a collective Awww. "Ladies and Gentlemen, from district 12. This year's victors, of the 74th annual Hunger Games! Katniss Everdeen and Jason Allen!" Huge applause.

At the Victors crowning ceremony, President Snow places a crown on the top of my head, his eyes are as unforgiving as a snake's. "Congratulations." President Snow says. "Thank You." I tell him. Snow glances down at my Mockingjay pin. "What a lovely pin." Snow examines the pin. "Thank you, It's from my District" I explain. "They must be very proud of you." Snow finally meets my eyes before walking away. I blink rapidly as I watch him walk away.

Back on the train, Jason asks me "So what happens when we get back?" I take a moment to figure out how to answer his question. "I don't know, I guess we try to forget." I tell him and he nods before we watch the world pass us by in a blur. When we reach District 12, I see Prim on Peeta's shoulders waving and smiling at us. Jason sees where I am looking and takes my hand and lifts it in the air, making the crowd cheer louder. I smile and wave with my free hand, glad to be back home.

Later that night, I finally get to have my reunion with my family and Peeta in my new house. I see Prim, Peeta and my mother waiting outside our new Victors Village house and when Prim turns around and catches sight of me, her eyes light up in joy. "Katniss!" I hear my sister Prim shouting my name and we both break into a run, desperately wanting to meet each other. As I reach her, I pull her straight into my arms, tears streaming down my face like a waterfall. "Prim, Oh Prim." I whimper. I can feel Prim's tears on my shoulder. Peeta manages to catch up to Prim and he pulls us both into his arms. "Katniss. We missed you so much." Peeta tells me, _Please don't tell me he is crying too. _When I turn my head to look at Peeta, I can see he isn't crying but his eyes are glistening and before I can help myself I pull him into a passionate kiss which contains all the misery I have felt when he was gone.

Peeta smiles, "What was that for?" I smile at him, tears still falling and whisper, "I missed you so much Peeta." I turn my head to find my mother with a small smile on her face, watching me and Peeta. "Come on inside, It's freezing out here." My mother tells us and we comply. I don't once let go of Peeta's hand until he has to leave for his home. "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon when I've finished my shift at the bakery around 4:30 again. I love you." Peeta tells me and he gives me a sweet kiss before he leaves. I try to go to sleep but a couple of hours later I am woken by nightmares. Roses. Wolf Mutts. Tributes. Frosted Dolphins. Friends. Mockingjay's. Stylists. Me. Everything screams in my dreams tonight. Every night it is the same. I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking. Also, Peeta keeps all of us in fresh baked goods. I hunt. He bakes. Haymitch drinks.

One night, I go to find Haymitch, who I haven't seen since he warned me about the danger I was in with the Capitol. I knock on Haymitch's door and he answers immediately with a bottle of liquor in his hand when he sees me, he invites me in. I walk into his house and find a couple of empty bottle on the kitchen table. I sit on one of the chairs and Haymitch sits opposite me. "Want a drink?" He asks me and I nod. Haymitch hands me a bottle and I guzzle it greedily before I start to choke on it. It's disgusting, I don't know how Haymitch can drink it as it burns my throat. "Do the nightmares ever go away?" I ask him, sounding like a small child. "No" He tells me honestly. "Can I stay here tonight, please?" I ask him and he nods. "I'll sleep on the sofa." He replies. I give him a small nod then make my way to his bedroom. But I don't want him to sleep on the sofa. In fact, I want him to climb in with me, to be there when the nightmares hit tonight.

And like I guessed, a couple of hours later. Haymitch is leaning over me, trying to wake me from the shadowy world the nightmares have landed me in. When he manages to wake me, he gets ready to leave but I stop him by grabbing his wrist. "Stay with me" I plead. Haymitch doesn't know what to do so I continue, "Because I can't handle the nightmares. Not without you" He seems to have made up his mind and then climbs into the bed next to me. He automatically wraps me in his arms and I didn't realize until now how starved I've been for human closeness. For the feel of him beside me in the darkness. In the morning, I make my way back home and I can tell something is wrong when I see my mother. She looks really pale. "Katniss, honey. They're is someone here to see you." My mother sounds too cheerful and a door I have never seen closed before is closed. _Who is here? Why is my mother so pale? _A capitol man escorts me to the room and when he opens the door, I come face to face with the snake-like eyes of President Snow.

He holds up a finger, as if to stay 'Give me a moment.' President Snow puts his book down and then turns his attention to me. This first thing that comes out his mouth is so unexpected, It worries me. "I think we'll make this whole situation a lot simpler by agreeing not to lie to each other. Do you agree?" President Snow asks me. I just stare at him before I say in a surprisingly steady voice. "Yes, that would save time." President Snow seems satisfied with my response before getting right back to business. "I have a problem, Miss Everdeen. A problem that began the moment you pulled out those poisonous berries in the arena" President Snow starts. "The girl who was on fire, you have provided a spark, that left unattended, may grow into an inferno that destroys Panem." I take in this new information and I don't know how I dare say the next words but I do. "It must be pretty fragile, if a handful of poisonous berries can bring it down." Snow stares at me, before answering, "It is fragile, but not in the way that you think." I don't know what he means so I don't say anything, I treat him as if he was a real snake, the venomous kind, I don't take my eyes off of him and I consider plans of retreat. "I want you to do something for me, Miss Everdeen. I want you to subdue the districts and stop this rebellion or I will kill all of your loved ones. And if I was you, I would take this situation seriously because I have killed other peoples loved ones when they didn't impress me. Remember Haymitch Abernathy? He has no one left he loves because I killed them all and I would easily do it again if I could."

I remember how Haymitch lives alone. No friends. No family. He has no one left he loves, except me. For the first time, I feel sympathy for Haymitch because of everything he has been through. Haymitch is the example in this cruel world, he is the victim of these horrors Snow holds over us. "I'll stop the rebellion, I promise. Just don't hurt them, please." I beg him. Snow nods at me before getting up to leave. "Aim higher in case you fall short" I don't answer him, as I am too lost in thought about the close proximity this evil man is to my family. As soon as, Snow has left the room, I start to break down crying. _I can't lose Prim or Peeta or my mother. I just can't._

I hear my mothers quick footsteps heading towards me. _She can't find out about this situation. _I quickly compose myself and when my mother asks is everything is okay I tell her. "Yeah, everything is fine. The president always visits the victors before the Victory Tour, they just don't show it on television." I can see my mother visibly relax when she hears this. "Oh good, I thought there was some trouble. Would you like me to run you a bath?" My mother asks me, gently. "Sure" I can tell my mother is pleased with my response, ever since I came back from the Games I have been trying to mend our relationship. As I can't keep punishing her for something that was out of her control. Because sometimes things happen to people and they're not equipped to deal with them. Like me for instance, right now.

I go upstairs where a steaming tub awaits me, my mother has added a small bag of dried flowers that perfume the air. I undress and lower myself into the silky water - my mother has poured in some kind of oil as well - and try to get a grip on things. The first question is who to tell, if anyone. Not my mother or Prim, they would just become sick with worry. Not Peeta. There are still three people I might confide in. Cinna, my stylish but I don't want to drag him into this mess. Then there is Jason who will help me put out the flames of the rebellion. And then there is Haymitch. Drunken, cranky, confrontational Haymitch. As my mentor, it was his duty to keep me alive in the Games. I only hope he is still up for the job.

Even underwater I can hear the commotion outside, my prep team must be here. A few seconds later, I find out I am right as Flavius, Venia and Octavia burst through the door into the bathroom. There is no question of privacy. There are no secrets between my body and the three beauticians. "Katniss, your eyebrows!" Octavia squeals, horrified. I roll my eyes at her and then hand myself over to the team. I'm guessing Cinna told them only to do my face and hands because of the weather, It's snowing outside so everything else with be covered in furry clothes. When they're finished, I am personally escorted to the train for my Victory tour. I see Haymitch and Jason are already on board, waiting for me. I greet them both before the train starts rolling towards District 11.


	12. Chapter 12 x

The first district I was to visit was District 11. I felt a knot in my stomach. The first people I'll face are Rue's family.

I lay on the bed trying to blank my mind. Naturally it didn't work. All I could think of was the song I sung to Rue as she took her final breath, wreathed in flowers.

"Deep in the Meadow, Under the willow. A bed of grass, a soft green pillow. Lay down your head, and close your eyes. And when again they open, the sun will rise..."

I feel tears roll down my face, but I ignore them. They are of no importance. What is important is freedom. Maybe I should run away with Peeta. We could go in the spring. Take our families. Perhaps there is more out there.

As my thoughts roll through my head I somehow manage to fall asleep.

When I open my eyes, I see my prep team whispering to one another.

"Do we wake her?" Venia says quietly. "She looks so adorable there curled up in a little ball."

I sit up before Flavius has a chance to shake me awake. "Its okay." I smile at them. I get out of bed and let them wax and pluck me. They left my make – up 'Natural' which really meant they didn't use any garish colours. Finally they deemed me presentable enough for Cinna.

A minute or so after they left, Cinna entered. He had changed very little since I had last seen him, short cropped hair and a little metallic gold eyeliner.

"Well Katniss, how are things?"

I shrug. "As good as can be expected, I suppose. Dealing with the usual Capital enforced tours." Other than Peeta, Cinna was the only person I could be myself with. Like the first time I met him, I noticed his accent. It wasn't quite... _Capitol_.

I put on the clothes laid out for me as Cinna undoes the elaborate 'do the prep team had put me in and braids my hair like I normally wear it. I notice on close inspection the fabric is cut and sewn to flatter my figure, giving me more curves, yet still making me seem like myself.

"Thank you Cinna, I love it."

"I knew you would. That's why I made it for you." He smiles at me then leaves the room. I wait for a few minutes then leave my room as well. We were about half an hour away from District 11 and I could feel my heart beating in my chest. I walk into the dining cart of the train and Effie, Jason and Haymitch were already at the table. Haymitch was sipping a cup of tea, a sour look on his face, while Effie just looked exasperated and Jason looked amused.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Sweetheart." Haymitch hisses out.

"Don't mind him. He has decided to go sober for the victory tour." Effie says in her usually bright voice. "Well we have big big big day ahead of us, so I recommend you eat fast, we will be in District 11 soon."

I nod and take a bit of buttered toast, absentmindedly chewing on it while I think of what to say to the people of District 11. _I'm sorry for your loss_ just didn't seem to cut it for me.

We slowly pull into the station and are driven straight to the Justice building. We were brought to a back entrance. And we walk out the car. Effie was in a panic because we were five minutes late through no ones fault. She rushes us to the main door and we stand in silence until the doors are open. I didn't expect cheers of greeting but the dead silence was deafening. I hear mine and Jason's footsteps as we walk out onto the stage. I had expected someone else to speak before us, but I was obviously wrong. Effie clears her throat and gives us a very directed look. _"Speak."_

I look into the crowd and stay silent for a moment. I try my best not to look into the front row where Rue and Thresh's families sit, tears rolling down their faces. Finally I open my mouth.

"I wont say sorry. Sorry wont bring back the lives that were taken. Sorry won't change a thing. I will say that I cared very much for the tributes from your district. Thresh. He could have killed me if he had of wanted to." I look down to Thresh's family. The small older woman has tears running down her face and looks at me with a mixture of hatred and pity. I didn't blame her. The young woman looked like she might have been Thresh's sister. I felt like I was back in the arena for a moment. She looked like she would kill me. I continued anyway. "I will always be grateful to Thresh. And If I could have died before him, I would have. He deserved to win more than me."

I look across now to Rue's family and a lump forms in my throat. It takes a minute for me to speak. "Rue was so special to me. She was so much like my own little sister it almost scared me. Since her death I have wished so many times that I could take her place. She should have lived longer... should have-" I can't speak anymore, tears stream down my face. I raise three fingers to my lips and hold them out first to Rue's family, then Thresh's. "Thank you all for the bread." I say in almost a whisper that wouldn't have even been heard if it wasn't for the microphone over my head. I rush back into the Justice building to Haymitch and Effie giving me incredulous looks.

I run until I reach the car. The driver was outside smoking a cigar. He ignores me as I climb into the backseat and collapse into tears, my whole body shaking with sobs. Several minutes later, Jason, Effie and Haymitch silently climb into the car, Effie in the front, Jason and Haymitch in the back, Haymitch next to me. Haymitch puts an arm around me and I lay my head on his chest crying into his shirt. This is one of the times I have felt closest to Haymitch. "I know how you feel right about now, Sweetheart." He whispers, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

I stay silent the whole trip back to the train. I have stopped crying but I stay in Haymitch's arms. His embrace brings comfort to me. Haymitch was the only one in the world who knew how it felt. Every victor I have seen on T.V is proud to be a murderer. But it just made me feel empty.

When we finally arrive back at the station I jump out of the car without saying a word. I walk straight onto the train and into my cabin. I fall onto the bed feeling weak, broken. A few moments later I hear the door open. The end of the bed shifts. I look up and see Haymitch sitting there, a pained look on his face.

"It doesn't get better, Sweetheart. The pain, it doesn't go away. The nightmares will always haunt you. The Hunger Games isn't how the Capitol lets us know we will never be free. The Victors that are sent home are. We get a 'cushy' life because even they know it is impossible to live in places like the Seam and deal with the shit they give us."

I move over to him and lay my head on his lap. Haymitch's games were horrendous. He won by dumb luck. A few moments off being the loser. I remember my mother telling me about Haymitch's games. How his stomach had been cut open and his intestines had started to spill out. She hates Haymitch, I know, because her best friend had been reaped with him and he had come home.

"Can I see the scar?" I ask in a small voice. I am afraid to look at his face when I ask, but I look anyway. It's pale and pained.

"Yes." Slowly, he pulled up his shirt and to show me the long, thick scar. I slowly reach out and ran my fingers over it, feeling its rough texture. Haymitch snatched my hand in his, holding me tightly in his grasp. I freeze. He might be a drunk, but his grip was strong. He could break my wrist if he wanted to. I feel the fear swim through my veins as he held my hand still. Then he did something totally unexpected. He raised my hand to his lips and kissed it.

"You are the only woman who has seen that scar and not been disgusted." He said, his voice hoarse.

The look on Haymitch's face has changed. His eyes have glazed over and he is breathing faster. There was something else too. Confusion.

I sit up and try and laugh it away. "With everyone I have seen brought home to my mother. Its interesting to see someone who once wasn't whole, put together again."

"Put together again..." Haymitch tests the words in his mouth. Then in what seems like the blink of an eye his lips are on mine, his tongue stroking my lips. I parted my lips letting Haymitch's tongue dance in my mouth, tentatively touching it with my own.

His age doesn't bother me. So many young girls, especially from the Seam were involved with older men. Parents encouraged their daughters to date men older than them because they will give a more relaxed home to their daughters if they married. I could also almost see the repulsion my mother would feel from my older man being Haymitch. I pull away slowly and open my eyes. I hadn't realized they were closed.

"Katniss... I'm sorry. That was even more irresponsible than usual for me." Haymitch drew away, confused and dazed.

I held a finger to his lips and smile, shaking my head. I was quiet for a while, a million thoughts running through my head. I realized how much like Haymitch I was myself. How I was going to be at most, just as messed up as he was. He seems perfect.

I lean forward and this time I kiss him.

The victory tour was turning out to be almost bearable.

* * *

After the delirious procession of public appearances, cameras, silk dresses, interviews, dancing, parties, and food, as Jason, I and the rest of our weary entourage trudge back to our train to speed off to the next district, District 4, I can feel the tense whirlwind of this so-called _Victory _Tour start to take its toll. This doesn't feel like a victory.

It feels like a funeral procession.

I strip off Cinna's gorgeous, flowing pink dress as the train pulls away from District 5. Somewhere not as militant as District 11 turned out to be, but not nearly as barren and solemn as home. I miss the cloudy greys, coal blacks, and mud browns of District 12.

I sit on the edge of my bed and grab the sleep syrup Effie had given me after a third straight day of commenting on the dark, sleepless circles under my eyes.

Before I can change my mind, I gulp down some of Effie's sleep syrup. I let my body fall back against my pillows, staring up at the ceiling of our train. I briefly think the smooth motion of the train should lull me to slumber, but I'm fooling myself, as our high-powered train barely allows us to feel any movement at all.

My mind returns to Peeta. To Prim. To Haymitch, and the look in his eyes when I first saw him after the Games, the shock and pride and undeniable relief that _both_ his tributes had made it through alive. I smile as a realize how I love that drunk bastard.

And just like that, darkness takes over.

* * *

I am woken the next morning by Effie Trinket's bubbly voice telling me that we are pulling into District 4 and the President has requested my presence. I will be meeting up with a capitol official to be escorted to one of Snow's favourite gardens. I take a quick shower, change my clothes and then make my way outside. I immediately see a man in a white suit waiting outside and when he sees me, he asks me to follow him and I comply like a good little puppet.

A couple of minutes later, I am standing in a beautiful garden filled with roses varying from milky white to blood red. The stench of perfumed roses is unforgettable. It must be artificial because no rose smells so _sweet_, so _strong_. It is a lie.

Carefully, I take hold of one of the roses closest to me - a white one, trimmed neatly with perfectly folding petals - and jump slightly when it pricks me. I don't know why. I guess I wasn't expecting it. Which is funny, considering I should be used to surprises now, what with the Hunger Games.

"Excellent choice," resounds a deep voice which is, above all, instantly recognisable "The white ones, though simpler than the coloured, are much prettier. Don't you agree?"

I turn around and face the President. "I'm not a fan of roses." I wipe the prick of blood from my index finger.

President Snow bares his teeth and tucks said rose into his pocket. I do not move closer to him. "They're not for everyone," he says. He beckons me towards him as he sits on a bench and I, begrudgingly, follow him. Thoughts buzz wildly in my system but, surprisingly, I barely acknowledge them. "So, my dear girl-"

I repress a gag of disgust. His breath stinks of blood. Thick, suffocating, _fresh_ blood. And he reeks of that rose. _These_ roses. These horribly perfect specimens of foul sugar-

"-how are you coping with the attention?"

I frown. "All victors deal with this attention."

The President chuckles deeply and I regretfully inhale a waft of roses and blood. _How? How is this? How can this be?_ He stinks of it. I hate it. It drowns me, tears me, makes me nauseated. "Oh, on the contrary " he says. "Some less so than others. Finnick Odair, if you recall, was famous before he even stepped foot in the arena."

Yes. I remember Finnick. I still see him, sometimes, as a Mentor. I watch him stride about his District on the television or watch him at the Reaping, or I've seen him in the Capitol before - only glimpses - but...

"Right," I say, "but not me."

"No," he agrees, laughing. "Quite. In the arena, however, you were quite the catch. Those parachutes you received .. They were not too cheap, you see."

A knot of dread ties itself into my stomach - no, wait, my stomach is the knot of dread. "I see," I say, slowly, as if I don't understand. Yet I do. I know what he's going to say...

"And your sponsors have been requesting - well, compensation." President Snow pauses, his thick red lips tugging up into a smothered smile. "Compensation I'm sure you'd be happy to give them."

My heart thumps. _Rage._ How dare he suggest..?! "President Snow," I start firmly, trying to contain my anger. "I'm sleeping with no-one. It was their choice to sponsor me, not mine."

"Nor is this your choice." He pauses for a moment and just as I'm about to snap, says, "Well, unless you want something to happen to dear Primrose or your mother - and even Peeta Mellark."

I freeze. My muscles, my heart, my breathing, my sight, my hearing - it all_ pauses_. This is not a choice. Not by far. They can't die or be tortured simply so I don't... so I don't have to...

"You do it," President Snow continues, adjusting his lapel, "and your family will not be hurt."

_Your family will not be hurt._

They will be hurt if I don't do it.

They will be tortured.

They will be killed.

My mouth goes dry. My heart thumps loudly, once, and my blood rushes through my ears. "There's not a choice," I say dryly, repeating my thoughts aloud to check this is really happening - to be sure this is true, this is real, and that I am not having a nightmare. "Not really."

President Snow leans back, inhaling deeply. "Maybe not for you," he says, "but for others there has been."

I pause, my thoughts wild. How is this happening? Is this happening? God, I feel dizzy. I need to sit. Oh, wait. I am sitting. I need... I need...

"Finnick doesn't sleep with everyone he does by choice," I say suddenly. The distaste in my voice is evident above everything else and I stare at him stoically, coldly. I can taste the blood in his heavy breaths; smell to stench of the roses as they choke me. "You made him."

"Oh no, Miss. Everdeen," the President says, smiling wickedly. "He just chose his family over his self-respect. Can you do the same?"

Anger. Pure, blinding anger, bubbling up inside of me. "Yes," I answer through gritted teeth. Finnick. Finnick is a prostitute by force. I am a prostitute, or soon to be, by force. I am disgusted.

I, along with the rest of Panem, misjudged Finnick.

President Snow chuckles - a self-satisfied, throaty laugh that bunches my fierce emotions together in a string of profanities. "Good," he says, "I will call you or write you - whatever suits me best."

Oh, the nonchalance he speaks with has the devil inside of me thumping against my rib-cage I hold it in because what good will it do? Snow doesn't care. I don't care, not really. I bet Finnick doesn't, either. We both just want to keep our families safe. And this is the only way.

"Maybe you and Finnick should talk," Snow says, lips curling into a wry, disgusting grin. "By now, you two should have lots in common."

* * *

Finnick is taller than I seem to recall. His skin is more golden, his hair more buttery and bronze and his eyes are more green. He is very handsome, all right. His famous eyes, a deep sea-green, are incredible. He is irresistible to most women, I'm sure - but I'm not most women.

I meet him as I brush down a horse for relaxation. He is meeting me here because I asked for it; I asked Effie to arrange it and she smiled knowingly about 'falling for his good looks' and asked him to see me. Evidently, he said yes - I didn't stick around for the answer - but I know it as soon as the crunching hits my ears.

"Hello, Katniss," Finnick says.

I turn my head to look at him but keep stroking the horse, pretending I'm okay with him being so close, when really it just makes me uncomfortable. "Hello, Finnick," I reply. His eyes are centimeters from mine.

"Want a sugar cube?" He offers out his hand which is piled high with them. "They're supposed to be for the horses but who cares? We almost died once upon a time and... well, I take my rewards where I can get them."

Finnick is, of course, referring to our titles of victors. He won the Hunger Games at fourteen-years-old and captured the hearts of most women - of course, they couldn't touch him at that age. That didn't stop them goggling. The second he hit sixteen, though, they were all over him. Snow must have forced him into it, like me. It disgusts me. Revolts me. I wish I could punch that man with a rose-scented brick.

Finnick Odair is then, of course, extremely stunning. How is he so athletic and healthy when he eats cubes of pure sugar? No, scratch that: how is he so seductive and sensual if he eats lumps of sugar? Maybe it makes him sweeter. I bet that's what the Capitol says.

"No, thanks," I say to the sugar. "The money is reward enough."

Finnick only smiles and wets his lips. I know this drives most people crazy but not me. Not really. "Oh, I haven't dealt in anything as common as money for years," he says.

"Then how do I pay for the pleasure of your company?" I might as well ease into the conversation.

Finnick, however, remains cool and collected. He tilts his head so his lips are almost touching mine. "With secrets," he says seductively. "What about you, girl on fire? Do you have any secrets worth my time?"

For some stupid reason, I blush. I watch an easy smirk slip onto his lips. "Perhaps," I say. "I know that President Snow's breath smells of blood."

Finnick chuckles and leans further forward. His sugary breath washes over me. "Oh, Katniss." His voice is smooth like silk and rich like syrup. "I know _why_."

I hold my ground. "Are you not even going to ask me how I know?" I ask. My arms fold over my chest as I watch him toss another sugar cube in his mouth, leaning against my horse. He seems to think it over but if he is, he's doing a great job at looking otherwise. He simply looks like he's sucking and biting on his sugar cube, doing a marvelous job at being seductive whilst he does so.

"Yes," he answers finally, sugar cube swallowed. "How do you know that?"

Finnick will understand, surely, if I say this. He must. "He asked me to go and see him." My eyes never leave his. "In his garden."

I watch the understanding pool in his sea-green eyes. "Unfortunately, I think you're trying to tell me he's looped you in, too."

Unable to face him anymore, I turn back to the horse, stroking down it's strong neck. "Yes," I say. "Do this, do that, or everyone I love dies."

Finnick inspects a sugar cube. "More like do him, do her." The furious glare I shoot his way has him apologizing and smiling grimly. "Sorry," he says, "I know it's not funny. I make jokes about it because I've... well, I've lived with it for so long I've accepted it."

"No," I say. "You haven't."

"Careful, girl on fire," he says with a smirk. "Secrets are a price. _My _price. And unless you make them yours, too, you wont be finding out any secrets from me."

I look up at him. The proximity between us is a little larger now - only a few centimetres. "I don't need to," I say. "I know how you feel because I'm in that situation now, too."

Finnick doesn't say anything. He simply feeds the horse a sugar cube.

"I'm an open book, though," I say. "It seems everyone knows my secrets before I do myself."

"Unfortunately, I think that's true," he murmurs. His eyes flicker off to the side for a moment then return to me. He pauses, then says, "You have two minutes to kiss me."

The blush colours me again and I actually stumble from the shock a little. "What?!" I cry, furrowing my eyebrows. "What?"

Finnick laughs. "I'm only joking, Katniss," he says. He winks at me. "If you want. I do need to leave soon, though. I have a..."

"An appointment?" I suggest numbly. My body suddenly feels as empty as my head. "Sure."

He doesn't say anything, again, for a moment. These brooding silences of his are really starting to get to me and I don't know why. "I know you want to talk," he says, "so here's my phone number. You can call me for anything, anything at all. Got it?"

I accept the card which is sprinkled in little granules of sugar. "Thank you," I say.

Finnick Odair gives me another award-winning smile that brightens up his sea-green eyes. He then leans in, breath brushing softly over my face, and whispers seductively,"Just don't act too eager and brag about it, people will think your falling for my charms already." Finnick winks at me.

I narrow my eyes at him but Finnick only grins before walking off. I watch as he walks away plopping another sugar cube into his mouth as he goes and then I turn my attention back to the horse as if he was never there.


	13. Chapter 13 x

The rest of the Victory Tour passes by in a blur. I haven't gotten in touch with Finnick, I have actually just put the card he gave me in the drawer and forgotten about it. As if I would go to him for help, I have Haymitch, Cinna and Jason here with me. I probably won't even go to anyone, I'm too stubborn. I also found out that Jason will become a prostitute too. _Great..._

As soon as the Victory tour was over including the Parcel Day at District 12, I am immediately sent to the Capitol which will become my new home for the next couple of months. Every victor lives in the Capitol, well... Only the prostitutes and Haymitch, who refuses to let me go through this alone. When Haymitch found out what we would have to do, he was enraged. He started throwing things and shouting obscenities to the Capitol workers who tried to calm him down. I never have seen him like that before, it wasn't very fun to watch. I don't know how long me and Jason stayed silent that night but it must have been a couple of hours before we eventually broke that silence.

Later, when I got back to my floor in the training centre, I was greeted by a barrage of people: Cinna my stylist, Jason's stylist Portia, as well as Effie, Jason, Haymitch and a few other victors who I recognized, but had never met. The most surprising was Finnick Odair. _Why would he be there?_

Cinna quickly took me to my room to dress me before dinner. He is so kind and gentle and even though he is from the Capitol I still feel like I can trust him, he is my friend. He dressed me in a simple white dress and let my dark, long hair fall down my back. He had to make a few quick alterations to the dress as I had lost weight since I went into the arena, which would almost seem impossible as I was already underweight when I went in. Seeing how thin I was made me think about the games.

_My games were tough. I lost my only ally, a twelve year old girl named Rue who reminded me of my sister, when the boy from District One stabbed her through the stomach with his spear. Before he could even react to my presence I had shot him through the neck with an arrow. He was dead almost immediately. Rue was not dead yet. She asked me to sing to her and I did. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. Then when her cannon sounded, I laid flowers all over her body. _

___After that I become almost hollow. I just wanted to hurry up and get the games over with._ The Careers, the tributes from One, Two and Four, wanted me dead, because I out-shined them in the opening ceremonies, I had a better training score and people were lining up around the block to sponsor me after I had told them about why I volunteered to save my sister.

_It came down to me and Jason verses Cato, the male tribute from Two. He slipped off the cornucopia when he lunged at me with his sword. He fell and was attacked for what felt like hours by the mutts. When the mutts finally left his dying, mangled body I killed him out of mercy._

* * *

At dinner everyone talks about how wonderful I was in the games and how they never knew what an amazing voice I have. I just nod and smile stiffly. I sip the wine that is brought out to us. I am on my third glass when I finally brake. "What is so fucking great about winning? How was I wonderful? Who cares if my voice is amazing it's the reason why I was singing that was so horrific!" I blurt out, anger and self loathing dripping off of my voice. I am shaking. Effie is mortified by my blatant lack of social graces. She leaves in a huff. Portia is a little taken aback, but seems to give me an understanding nod before she too gets up to go. When Cinna gets up, he places his hand on my shoulder and gives me a reassuring squeeze. I am left with Haymitch and two other victors, Finnick Odair and Johanna Mason.

"Well did you get it out of your system now Sweetheart?" Haymitch asks sarcastically. But it's his eyes that keep me from leaping across the table and killing him. In his eyes he says, _"I know the feeling."_

"Yes." I retort.

"Good then we," he motions to Finnick and Johanna, "have some things we want to talk to you about." I give him an annoyed quizzical look so he would continue. Johanna is smirking at my little outburst and my annoyed face. Haymitch continues "This had better be your last outburst in front of others. You can rant and rave all you want to me, but to others it can't happen." His voice is forceful.

"We know what it is like and we are here to help you if you want it. We are sort of like a twisted little family." Finnick jumps in. He is breath-taking and his voice purrs.

"Yes definitely a twisted family." Johanna starts with an eye roll, "You see we have drunkard here who was our victor mentor and we are all one big happy fucking family." Her body is tense.

"Haymitch… I am not sure I understand." I say quietly as though he was the only one in the room.

"When I won my games, I was given the same proposition as you and some other 'useful' victors. I turned it down, my family and love died two weeks later and I still had to give into his demands. It was a while until the next victor was propositioned, because most are not as sought-after and come out too scarred mentally or become quick morphing addicts before they even make it home." I look at him, and then Finnick and then Johanna with shock and horror on my face.

"I am like you in more ways than one, Katniss, I was chosen and I agreed right away." Finnick says looking at me sincerely.

"I was like your drunken mentor." Johanna pipes in, "I lost everything and was still forced to comply, I went a little crazy after my hundredth customer and I was not requested anymore. I wouldn't suggest this though, if I hadn't already lost everyone, I would have then."

I look at all three of them for a minute trying to take it all in. I am going to go the way that Finnick did, my family will be safe, but they will despise me. They will think I became a whore by choice. The three older victors are looking back at me. I eventually brake the silence. "What do you mean that Haymitch was your victor mentor?" I ask.

"He showed us the ropes, taught us some tricks for how to best please the Capitol." Finnick says looking over at Haymitch with a wink and smile.

"Who is going to help me?" I ask.

"Well, Sweetheart, seeing as how young you are I wasn't sure if I should, so I asked Finnick here to help you since he is closer in age." I look at him a little madly. _Why would he think I would want some stranger to help me? What does age matter? Won't most of my clients be old?_ It's as if he can read my mind when he continues, "But I would happily help you if you would prefer." He then gives me a seductive smile and wink. I have never seen this side of Haymitch before.

After Finnick and Johanna leave to go back to their floors and I have showered and changed into my night clothes; which are just a thin white tank top and short boxer shorts, I head to Haymitch's room. I don't want to be by myself anymore. It feels too dangerous because, my mind wonders and the whole world is brought down on me. I knock on his door gently and I hear him grunt. When he answers the door he is a little shocked to see me standing there.

"What do you want Sweetheart?" he asks gruffly.

"I-I can't be alone." I stammer out. He gives me a sympathetic look and moves aside so I can come in. We both crawl into his bed and settle down. He is on his back with his hands behind his head. I scoot over to him and lay my head on his chest and wrap my arm around his stomach. He smells like alcohol and District Twelve, coal dust and earth. Haymitch automatically puts his arm around me. It feels right in Haymitch's arms. My body tingles when his hand runs up and down my arm.

The next morning, Effie comes barging in to wake Haymitch up because she can't find me. She has a conniption fit at the sight of us. She screams at Haymitch about propriety and how young I am. Her screams did nothing to him he just shakes his head and laughs at her insanity. Why should he have to defend himself? He didn't do anything wrong. She once again left in a huff.

Again, I go to my own room and shower and change for the night and then head to Haymitch's room. When I approach the door I hear him talking to someone. I listen carefully. "I don't know what to do about the girl." I hear him sigh dejectedly, "This is going to be harder on her than she knows. Hell this is harder on me than I thought it would be. I am just so happy Cato died before he could bring his own form of torture on her."

Another voice speaks up, "We will just have to figure it out on our own. When she is with her clients, she will have to impress them, not just lie on her back and take it like a good little victor." Finnick. I can hear Haymitch growl, he is not impressed with what Finnick has just said. I am angry at them for talking behind my back, if they have advice they should at least speak to me about it, not another victor. I knock on the door and they both fall silent.

Haymitch came to the door and cracked it open. He sees the anger in my eyes and I wedge my foot in the door. "What is it Sweetheart, we are in the middle of something, but by the look on your face, you already knew that." He smirks. I push past him and into the room. The two men just stand there staring at me a little tense; because they know I have heard some of what they were saying.

"Why are you two talking about what will happen behind my back? Do you think that I can't take what the Capitol throws at me? Because if you do, then you will be in for something of a shock, boys. I have been through rape and abuse from my boyfriend multiple times over a period of two years and I still came out fighting in the end. Do you remember Haymitch? You was there when I confronted that evil bastard." Haymitch and Finnick just stare at me in shock for a while.

"Is she always this feisty?" Finnick finally asks.

Haymitch starts to laugh, "You have no idea." He rolls his eyes some.

"I kind of like it." Finnick says with a seductive purr.

"Oh not you too, Fish boy." Haymitch says sarcastically, but his eyes tell a different story. I can't quite figure it out. Finally, I snap out of my daze.

"Haymitch I want to go to bed! Please ask Finnick to leave so we may go to sleep." I say authoritatively. Finnick gives us a surprised look.

"Yeah, Fish boy you better leave you don't want to piss her off anymore." Haymitch says. He has an evil grin on his face almost taunting Finnick's thoughts.

"Good night Finnick. Will I see you before I leave?" I ask sweetly and innocently. I know this is getting to him.

"Yes and I hope tomorrow someone," he looks at Haymitch, "will give me some answers. But in the meantime, Lovely, if you would like to switch sleeping partners for the night you know where to find me." He gives me a seductive smile and a wink. I blush slightly.

Once Finnick is out the door, Haymitch starts laughing and picks me up in a tight embrace. "You have no idea how much I adore you right now." He says while laughing. "I never thought I would see the day someone made Finnick Odair squirm or get jealous." When he sets me down I walk over to the bed and pat it for him to join me. He lies down and we take the same positions as last night. He kisses the top of my head and we fall asleep, peacefully.

A couple of hours later, I am woken by really bad abdominal pain. I groan in pain which causes Haymitch to wake up. "Katniss? Are you alright?" I try to nod but another wave of pain courses through me and I cry out in agony. Okay, I am terrified. _What is going on? This really hurts! _Haymitch is on the phone to someone, calling for help I think.

"Stay with me sweetheart, you're gonna be okay," Haymitch says, carrying me out of the room. He looks panicked, and oddly sober. I turn around and see Finnick running towards us. Haymitch hands me over.

"Take her to the hospital ward boy, and hurry!" he says. Finnick gathers me in his arms and runs. I feel my eyes close.

"Come on Katniss, just a bit longer. Stay awake," he pleads. I lay a bloody hand on his shoulder, I don't even know how it got bloody. Black spots appear in my line of vision and I lose consciousness when the next wave of pain rips through my stomach.


	14. Chapter 14 x

I wake up in a whitewashed hospital room, my chest slightly throbbing. A distinct beeping noise comes from some machine in the room.

"About time you woke up sweetheart," says Haymitch's voice from my bedside. I turn to face him, getting up slowly. He is freshly washed and trimmed, a surprising change. His eyes have bags underneath them, as if he hadn't slept for days, and there is a surprising amount of concern in his eyes.

"You gave us quite a scare sweetheart, passing out in Finnick's arms like that," he continues. I try to get up, but he forces me down.

"You better get some rest sweetheart. You shouldn't be exerting yourself, especially in your current condition," he says. What condition? I look at him in confusion, "What condition?" I ask Haymitch.

"Katniss, I don't know how to tell you this," he says gravely. I suddenly don't want to hear what he has to tell me.

"After you passed out in Finnick's arms, you started bleeding, really bad. You miscarried Katniss," he says and avoids my gaze. I stare at him, expecting him to crack up, and tell me that he is only joking, but he did no such thing. I was pregnant. _Of course. Gale's baby... How could I forget? _I feel hollow, and tears fall from my eyes. I also feel guilt because I never wanted this baby and I forgot about it, all because it was Gale's baby and not Peeta's or Haymitch's. Haymitch wraps his arms around me as I hold my head and cry for my unborn baby. I was in complete shock – It feels like I had just found out I was pregnant and then it was suddenly all over. Not only had I lost the baby but I also felt physically damaged.

* * *

A couple of weeks later, I have to get back to business. President Snow actually did something nice. He let me have a couple of weeks off Prostitution Duty to mourn my baby. _I've never cried so much in my whole life. I was walking about with an empty feeling when I should have been carrying my baby._ I have finally come to terms with what happened and I am trying to move on. But I sometimes get really sad or angry, then feel guilty because other women have it so much worse. I'm not sure how I should react, behave, move on. But now I am okay, so I should focus on that and not what has happened.

Over those weeks I was being trained by Haymitch, Cinna and Finnick on how to be seductive and the best ways to please the Capitol men. They taught me how to walk sexily, talk seductively and dress provocatively.

Today I have a client named Mr Snile. I don't know when he is going to arrive or where I am meeting him so I will just wait for someone to collect me. But when I got back to my room, I found Mr Snile sitting on my bed, waiting for me. I had met him at a Capitol party and for a Capitol person he wasn't overly enhanced. He smiles at me while licking his lips. I have to remember all the things my three men had taught me. I saunter over to him; he stands up as I make my way over to him. When I reach him I place my hands on his shoulders gently and flick my eyes up to him, "Oh hello, Mr. Snile. I was hoping you would be here when I got back." I say seductively moving my hands down his chest slightly. He tenses only a little at my touch, but is enjoying it very much. "May I offer you a drink?" I ask turning to go to the bar, swinging my hips as I walk.

"Yes…bourbon on the rocks." He says. I can feel his eyes on me and his breathing getting heavier. I return with the drinks and offer him a seat. He sits and as I go to take a seat he grabs me and sits me on him. I giggle on cue. He kisses my neck and down my shoulders his free hand feeling my body. I become a robot on the inside. Only doing what I know will please him and in turn keep my sister safe. I am on autopilot. He leaves after we have finished, placing a diamond bracelet on my wrist before he kisses my hand. I blush and thank him for the extravagant gift. "It was worth every penny." He says with an evil grin and a wink. I shudder on the inside trying to hold in my disgust.

As soon as Mr Snile has left, I take a shower, change and then I go to Haymitch's room. We spend the whole night drinking liquor and joking about our terrible lives until the alcohol has taken the desirable effect and we fall asleep in each others arms on his bed.

Haymitch and I start sleeping together. Not just sleep, but we would have sex. Even though I would have a couple appointments a day, We both would still be in wanting each other. It is a distraction, like the alcohol, and it is real human contact with emotions. I won't even say we are just having sex, but we let our walls down and would show each other love, the love and tenderness that we both crave. Everyday is the same. Get up. Have an Appointment. Meet Haymitch. Have another appointment. Drink with Haymitch. Maybe have another appointment or a date. Make love to Haymitch. Sleep.

After a couple of months, me, Haymitch and Jason are on our way back home for the 75th Quarter Quell. As we are sitting in the bar car in silence. I ask the question that is on everyone's mind. "What do you think they will do?" At first there is no answer and then Haymitch answers quietly, "It must be the reading of the card." I don't know what the reading of the card is because I have never been alive for a Quarter Quell before but I don't ask because these next few nights are no doubt going to be hard on Haymitch. He won the last Quarter Quell so he is going to have to expect a lot of unwanted attention and maybe a couple of memories will resurface for him. But I am glad that I have Jason as a mentor too as Haymitch is going to be wasted and no help this year.

We arrive back in District 12 just in time to see the announcement of the twist for this year's Quarter Quell. The anthem plays, and my throat tightens with revulsion as President Snow takes the stage. I have to bite back the urge to scream every foul word at him as Snow begins to speak in his cold voice, "For the 75th Quarter Quell, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors." I hear my mother gasp and Prim let out a sob. At first I don't get what he means and then I get it, what it means. At least, for me. District 12 only has three existing victors to choose from. Two male. One female…I am going back to the arena.

My body reacts before my mind does and I'm running out the door, across the lawn's of the Victor's Village into the dark beyond. Moisture from the sodden ground soaks my socks and I'm aware of the sharp bite of the wind, but I don't stop. I don't realise I am heading straight to Haymitch's house until I burst through his front door. He's sitting alone at the kitchen table, a half emptied bottle of white liquor in one hand and knife in the other. Drunk as a Skunk. "Ah, there she is. Finally did the maths, did you sweetheart? Worked out you won't be going in alone? And now your here to ask me... what?" he says. I don't answer right away. The window's wide open and the wind cuts through me just as if I was outside._ What did I come for? _I think. _What could I possibly want here?_

"I came for a drink" I finally manage to get out. Haymitch bursts out laughing and then slams a bottle down on the other end of the table before me. As I take a couple of gulps of the liquor it feels like fire running down my throat and I like it. "It would be bad for you, wouldn't it? With you knowing all the others." I ask. "Oh, I think we can count on it being unbearable wherever I am." I realize I am not just here for a drink. There is something else I want from Haymitch.

"Okay, I have figured out what I am asking." I say, "If it is me and Jason in the Games, we try to keep him alive." Something flickers across Haymitch's bloodshot eyes. Pain. "Please Haymitch, say you will help me." I beg him. He frowns at his bottle, "All right." he says finally. "Thanks." I say with relief. It's just I can't stand the thought of Jason not being here anymore. He is like the little brother I never had. I should go and see him but I don't want to. My head is spinning from the drink, and I'm so wiped out, who knows what he will be able to get me to agree to? No, now I have to go home to face my mother and Prim.

As I stagger up the stairs to my house, the door flies open and Peeta pulls me into his arms, "We should have left." he whispers into my ear. "No," I say. I'm having trouble focusing, and liquor is sploshing down Peeta's jacket but he doesn't seem to care. "It's not too late." he says. Over his shoulder, I see my mother and Prim clutching each other in the doorway. We run. They die. End of discussion. "Yeah it is." My knees give way and Peeta is holding me up. As the alcohol overcomes my mind, I hear the glass bottle shatter on the floor. This seems appropriate since it seems I have lost my grip on everything. Over the next couple of weeks, Me, Jason and Haymitch start to train like Careers as it is obvious that two of us will be up against some real deadly opponents and the other will have to mentor us.

* * *

The day of the reaping comes hot and sultry. The population of District 12 waits, sweating and silent, in the square with machine guns trained on them. I stand alone in a small roped-off area with Jason and Haymitch in a similar pen to the right of me. The reaping takes only a minute. Effie, shining in a golden wig and outfit, lacks her usual verve. She picks up a slip of paper out of the girls bowl and reads my name in a clear voice. Then she catches Jason's name and I hear Haymitch shout, "I volunteer." I shoot Haymitch an unhappy look but he just shrugs and tells me he promised me he would keep the boy alive so he did by volunteering. We are immediately marched into the Justice Building but for some reason we aren't allowed to say goodbye to our families and friends. I fight with them at first until I realise my attempts are futile and I give up. We're ushered out of the backdoor, into a car, and taken to the train station. Jason and Effie appear, escorted by guards. Peacekeepers hurry us all onto the train then slam the doors and the wheels begin to turn.

And I'm left staring out of the window, watching District 12 disappear, with all my goodbyes still hanging on my lips.


	15. Chapter 15 x

Our time in the Capitol goes by quickly. Me and Haymitch look dark and forbidding on the chariot as Haymitch's hand rests casually at my hip, instead of his own. The media keeps expressing about a May-December romance, while me and Haymitch just smirk and hang on to each other more. Finnick Odair starts showing up and we start this flirtatious act. Me and Haymitch both score a 12 in our Private training session which makes us both instant targets but we don't care. The interviews were a disaster; Haymitch was brutally sarcastic, winning no hearts and little sympathy for me. I, on the other hand, had created a stir in the dress Cinna had altered for me and the repercussions terrified me. When Jason finally joined us for dinner before the recap, we were both mildly drunk and making horrible jokes about death and carcass collection. We had no shame and no willingness to exercise any restraint.

"Stop drinking you idiots. This is no time for you two to be stupid." Jason shouts at us as Effie looks on, tears sliding down her face at how unfair this situation has become. "Well Sweetheart, we don't have to stand for this. Come, let's adjourn to my room for a private strategy session." Haymitch winks at me. He grabs two bottles of expensive champagne and the ice bucket, before heading to his room. I stand up and glare at Jason as I follow Haymitch down the hallway, two fluted glasses in my hand. I hear the table turn over and Effie run from the room behind me but I keep walking. Me and Haymitch start singing, giggling and drinking in his room because we literally do not care anymore. If we are going to die, we can at least die happy.

I snuggle up to Haymitch. We both lay in peaceful silly sorrow together, both secretly intending to send the other home from the games. The laughter and off colour jokes have given way to the soft velvet love we feel for each other. My head rests on his chest and as I listen to his heartbeat, nothing matters; he has kept Jason safe for me. I can't stand the thought of what we will have to do, in just days or hours, this steady drum that anchors me in a way no boy can, could stop beating forever. He will try to make it happen. He will try to stop his heart for me, and because of this, I must cling to him. It is my last chance to explain how I feel for him. I can't explain in words, we don't do that sort of thing. But this, comfort of holding on to each other, speaks volumes to us about what we need to hear.

We will love each other; enjoying the sweetness we have always felt for each other with open hearts now, both of us knowing this is goodbye. He pets my hair and kisses me on the top of my head. I take his hand and kiss the back of it, holding it to my face in reverence. We both fall into a peaceful sleep, wrapped in each others arms.

The morning arrives too soon and it is time to leave. The goodbyes are pure torture, especially my goodbye with Haymitch. "Sweetheart, you need to remember that everyone is your enemy. Even me." Haymitch tells me and I shake my head furiously. "You will never be my enemy, Hay." Haymitch signs and gives me a long lingering kiss before he turns and walks away. I am left with tears falling from my eyes as I watch him. I count every step he takes away. Only one thought runs through my head, _Do you know how much I need you?_

As I am getting ready for launch with Cinna I can't stop thinking about Haymitch. Who will become my greatest opponent in the arena. I know it sounds sentimental but I realise that me and Haymitch were made for each other, out here forever. All I ever wanted was for him to know everything I do, I give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe when he is not around. I need to feel him here with me and I don't want him to ever let me go because I know I will stop breathing if I never see him again. This new revelation is what truly breaks me. Because I know both of us are not leaving this arena alive.

Me and Cinna are currently sitting side by side, as we did last year, holding hands until the voice tells me to prepare for launch. He walks me to the circular metal plate and zips up the neck of my jumpsuit securely. "Remember, Girl on fire." he says, "I'm still betting on you." He kisses my forehead and steps back as the glass cylinder slides down around me.

"Thank you." I say, although he probably can't hear me. I lift my chin, holding my head high as he always tells me too, and wait for the plate to rise. Only it doesn't. I look at Cinna, raising an eyebrow for an explanation. He just gives his head a slight shake, as perplexed as I am. _Why are they delaying this?_

Suddenly, the door behind him bursts open and three peacekeepers spring into the room. Two pin Cinna's arms behind his back and cuff him while the third hits him in the temple with such force he is knocked to his knees. But they keep hitting him with metal studded gloves, opening gashes on his face and body. I'm screaming my head off, banging on the unyielding glass, trying to reach him. The peacekeepers ignore me completely as they drag Cinna's limp body from the room. All that is left are the smears of blood on the floor.

Sickened and terrified, I feel the plate begin to rise. I'm still leaning against the glass when the breeze catches my hair and I force myself to straighten up. As I access my surroundings, I can form only one clear thought. _This is no place for a girl on fire._


	16. Chapter 16 x

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Let the 75th Hunger Games begin!" The voice of Claudius Templesmith hammers my ears. I can't think straight, the image of Cinna being beaten consumes me._ Where is he now? What are they doing to him? _Obviously, his assault was staged to unhinge me, and it has unhinged me. All I want to do is collapse on my metal plate and cry. But I must be strong. For Cinna. The world starts to come into focus. Blue water. Pink sky. White hot sun beating down. Golden Cornucopia about 40 metres in front of me. All I see is water around me. Water and a pair of tributes. I scan the circle of tributes, looking for Haymitch, but he must be blocked from my view by the Cornucopia.

When the gong sounds, I don't even hesitate as I dive to my left. Navigating the waves takes more skill than swimming across my quiet lake at home. I pull myself from the water onto a land strip and sprint to the cornucopia. I'm thinking like a Career as I search the weapons pile. My eyes instantly home in on a golden bow just in arm's reach and I yank it free. There's someone behind me. I'm alerted by a soft shift in the sand, I pull my bow from the sheath that's still wedged in the pile and arm my bow as I turn.

Finnick, glistening and gorgeous, stands with his trident poised to attack. He's smiling at me, but his muscles are rigid with anticipation. For a moment we're frozen, sizing each other up and then Finnick says, "Good thing we're Allies, right?" I can hear other footsteps approaching. I must decide at once. "Right" I say. "Don't trust one and two." Finnick says and there is no time to question him. We grab some more weapons and I hear someone else approaching me so I turn with an arrow in place. "Not yet Sweetheart." Haymitch tells me. I immediately lower my bow. "There are only weapons. No food or water."

I turn to the sea, looking for other tributes and I see Mags swimming towards us. Haymitch turns to see what I am looking at and groans, "You have got to be kidding me." As soon as Mags has joined us, we make our way into the Jungle. We start to search for water and after a couple of hours, we are all starting to feel the effects of dehydration. "Maybe we'll have better luck on the other side. Find a spring or something." Time seems to freeze as Haymitch's knife slashes away at some vines and then there is a sharp zapping sound. For an instant, the trees are gone and I see open space over a short stretch of bare earth. Then Haymitch is flung back from the force field, bringing Finnick and Mags to the ground.

I rush over to where he lies, motionless in a web of vines. "Haymitch?" I call his name again but he's unresponsive. I press my ear against his chest, to the spot where I always rest my head, where I know I will hear the strong and steady beat of his heart. I find only silence. I start screaming his name but it's no use. His heart has failed. I am screaming at emptiness. "Haymitch!" Finnick props Mags against a tree and then starts doing CPR on Haymitch. I know what CPR is because I have seen my mother bring people back this way. I wait hopefully but after a couple of minutes, my hope starts to fade. When I start to decide that Haymitch is gone, unreachable forever, he gives a small cough and Finnick sits back. I fling myself at him, "Haymitch?" I say softly. I brush his damp blonde locks away from his forehead and find his pulse drumming against my fingers at his neck. "Careful, there's a force field up ahead." He tells me weakly. I laugh, but there are tears running down my cheeks.

"We should make camp here, Haymitch needs to rest and so does Mags." Finnick says and we all agree. Finnick and Mags make a sort of hut out of grass mats. I go hunting as Haymitch goes to sleep and I find a grey furred rodent, his muzzle is wet so I start to search around the area I found him in for water but I find nothing. I head back to camp, hotter and more frustrated than ever.

The white hot sun sinks in the rosy sky as we gather in the hut. Finnick says he will guard for a couple of hours so I lay down next to Haymitch and fall asleep at once. A couple of hours later, me and Haymitch are both woken up by the sound of a tolling bell. _Bong! Bong! _"I counted twelve." Finnick tells us. None of us have any idea of what that means. Just then, we receive a silver parachute and we let Haymitch open it since he died today. Inside, we find a Spile. Finnick and Haymitch open up a hole in a tree with Mag's awl, stick the Spile into the tree and then we wait. We eventually get a thin stream of warm water coming out the tree. We fill woven baskets with the water and rehydrate ourselves before Finnick and Mags go back to sleep, leaving me and Haymitch on guard. About an hour later, Haymitch finally breaks the silence. "Can I talk to you about what happened?" He's talking about all those times we spent together. "Please, don't" I tell him, I really don't want to talk about this right now. No doubt, we are being watched by all of Panem. Haymitch signs in exasperation before turning to face me.

"No, I have to. Just hear me out. I think the mistake I made here, was thinking that I could forget what we did. I thought we were invincible. But now I know that the things that people in love do to each other, they remember." Haymitch says and I stare at him, mesmerized by his words. "And if they stay together, it's not because they forget. It's because they forgive... I was so afraid that's what you wanted. I was afraid that you was right to want him." He's referring to my relationship with Peeta. "I thought he was the better man but now I know he's not." I can feel the tears in my eyes and I blink them away. "I am the better man, Katniss." He finally looks away. "I don't know where I stand with you and I don't know what I mean to you. All I know is every time I think of you, all I want to do is be with you." The tears slide down my cheeks unwillingly. At first, I stay silent thinking over his wording, _But now I know the things that people in love do to each other, they remember._ "You love me?" I say in a whisper, staring at him with tears streaming down my face. "Yes, I do sweetheart. I have loved you since I first took notice of you at the Reaping."

"Okay." I say before leaning over and kissing him. And then he kissed me back. It was magic, the way his lips connected with mine. It was right, and somehow, among all of the dizziness and the clinging to him like a life line, something inside me changed, never to be reversed. This new feeling could be dwelled upon later, because, for now, I was content to feel his breath come and go with mine. When we finally parted, I lay my head on his chest as we try to catch our breaths. "I love you too, Hay" I can feel his smile as he kisses the top of my head.

I must have fallen asleep because when I open my eyes again, daylight is shining through the cracks in the Jungle leaves. I stretch with a smile on my face, remembering last night. Our first real kiss. I slowly sit up and look around for Haymitch but I don't see him. I only see Finnick and Mags still sleeping. I start to worry. _Where has he gone? Is he okay? _I decide to wait for him. _He's probably gone for a quick bathroom break or something. He'll come back. He always comes back._ But after half an hour of waiting, I am really starting to panic. _Could his cannon have gone off when we were sleeping? _No, I refuse to believe it. I wake up Finnick and Mags then tell them that Haymitch is missing. Finnick points out that if someone would have killed Haymitch, they would have killed us too. "He left me." I say in a whisper with my eyes on the forest. Silent tears falling down my face. I look up into the sky and shout, "Jason, I should have listened to you. You never wanted me to trust him. He left me with freaking Finnick Odair!" I accept comfort off of Finnick and after a while start to regret what I said about him. "I'm sorry." I tell him but he just smiles at me before we start hunting other tributes.

As we are hunting, a wall of fog starts to crawl after us. I all of a sudden start to blister. I scream at Finnick to Run and we take off. But the fog is faster than us and Finnick can hardly walk so I take Mags. It's not Mag's fault when I begin falling. She is doing everything she can to be an easy passenger but my legs and arms aren't working either. Finnick does something really unexpected. He says he can't do it to Mags and then she kisses him before running into the fog. To her death. I stand there shocked and as I turn to Finnick, he has already turned his back on the horrifying scene and started retreating. I follow after him in silence until we reach the sea.

The warm water that surrounds the Cornucopia laps our faces. I jerk back as if I have touched an open flame. _Rubbing salt in a wound. _I start to soak the poisons out of my wounds, one small portion of a limb at a time. When I have finally gotten rid of all the poison, I help Finnick do the same. Finnick slowly begins to revive. He starts to swim in the sea. It's like watching some strange sea animal coming back to life. Finnick all of a sudden turns to me and waves me over, I hesitatingly comply. _What could he want? _When I finally reach him, he whispers into my ear. "Lets get some sponsors Katniss Everdeen." Finnick leans in to me stopping an inch from my face. "He will forgive us. Haymitch will understand. He will know it's for the cameras." He whispers the last part.

I blush, not pleased with this turn of events, but knowing he is right. Imperceptibly, I move. Finnick waits and it takes almost a full minute for our lips to brush. Finnick brings his hand up to my cheek, and softly cups my face. He is a master at the perfect screen kiss and I find his lips are much less unpleasant than I had imagined. We kiss playfully, teasing each other, knowing it means nothing. But it looks good on camera.

Finnick gives me directions so softly the cameras cannot pick up that there is nothing going on. Finnick is used to making motions that the audience would interpret as more. The audience assumed they were watching Finnick Odair seduce the little girl the rebels called the Mockingjay. What they actually saw was acting. The water blurred our figures enough that Finnick could direct me without the supposed event taking place.

"Throw your head back and pretend your in pain, then shudder a little." He whispers. "This is going to hurt a little Princess." He says out loud for the cameras. He pulls me to him hard enough that it does shock me. I pull off 'frightened 'well enough and make a squeak. "Now hold still until I tell you." He says barely above the waves.

I kiss him again and he slowly begins to rock me softly in the water. He kisses up my jaw line and to my neck. "Ok big finish here, I am going to pinch you and I want you to make a lot of noise and then collapse to my neck, then I will give them their money shot. Then we see if we have enough?"

There would be a bruise where Finn pinched me, but I wince and cry out on queue and he throws his head back and his classic fake howl sound for the audience. We grin at each other, both thinking it the best joke in the universe. "The boards will be lighting up now." He says loud enough that any sponsors missing the point would jump to accommodate us.

"It's almost dark Finn. You don't think they could see us do you?" I say bashfully, really hoping that Peeta and Haymitch realize that nothing just happened.

"So what if they did. One of us has nothing to worry about and the other will just have to live with it." He says full of swashbuckling bravado.

"I hate to break this up but it's time to move on." I say timidly.

He tucks his face into me again as if giving me love nips. "Walk a little offish, you will be soar." I roll my eyes but I comply.

As Finnick and me are sitting down on the beach waiting for packages, an arrow flies by Finnick's head causing me to give a little squeal. "Next one is in your head Odair, how dare you touch her." A voice sounds from the forest. I don't think, I just stand protectively in front of Finnick, "Haymitch, come out where we can see you." There is a small pause before Haymitch speaks again. "Not a chance baby doll. Move, he's next." I am desperately looking for Haymitch. "Please, Hay. Just listen at least?"

For several minutes there is no response. Then as the trumpets begin to sound, Haymitch Abernathy limps from the forest. I run to him and throw my arms around him, "What were you thinking sweetheart?" Haymitch asks me, hurt in his voice."I was acting for the cameras. Nothing happened. Wasn't real." I whisper while planting a kiss on his cheek. He gives me a calculating look, "Alright Katniss, if he's what you wanted." He says with clipped diction.

"Where were you this morning? I thought you was dead!" I say weakly. He gives me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Kat." I kiss him with all the misery I felt when I thought he was dead but he pulls away. "What's wrong?" I ask him. Haymitch shakes his head at me. "You don't want me Katniss. Do you want people to talk about us and not agree with what we are doing. I mean, I'm old enough to be your father!" He says. I stare into his eyes as I answer, "Let them talk and talk and talk. Let them say what they want. We will laugh at the thought, that they don't know what we've got. Because your mine and I'm yours. And that's all that matters."

Haymitch smiles at me before kissing me again.


End file.
